MS week! Orange you going to find a cure????

I never really blog about MS. I have one time before when my sister and my family ran in my honor. This week is MS awareness week. I got diagnosed when I was 36 years old. It literally stopped me for a full year of my life. I was afraid of everything. I stayed home most of that year fearing what MS would do to me. Since then I have tried to ignore it. Sometimes it's hard to ignore. Even though I like to pretend I don't have it. It is there at many times. I had to take a daily injection when I first got it. The sad thing is I injected for over a year and my body started to reject the medication. I had episodes where I would inject and my body would reject in a way where I thought I was dying . My legs which used to be faultless have huge welts in them from the injections. I can actually feel the spots where I injected. It's like the muscle totally is gone forever.

When you have MS in the early stages it is very hard for people to understand. You don't look sick. But your body is not functioning the way everyone else's is. You wake up in the middle of the night with body sweats and it feels like someone is squeezing your insides. That used to scare the shit out  of me. Now I just know it is the disease and I have to deal with it. I woke up once and I felt like every piece of my body was buzzing. The only way I can describe it is when you sit on your feet to long and they are buzzing. This is how my entire body felt. It was MS which people refer to as the MONSTER. It is a silent monster. Like I said before a lot of people with MS don't look sick. What you don't get is they may be fighting awful fatigue, horrible vertigo, double vision, leg pain, numbness, slurring, side pain, squeezing sensation in the body, your brain doesn't work right, you repeat things, you don't remember things, your body has really starts working against you.

When you have MS you fear your future. Most people think about walking their kids down the aisle to get married and having grandchildren. When you have Ms you wonder if your going to be able to walk when your kids get married or if your able to walk when you have grandchildren. My biggest fear is a wheelchair. I try so hard to run and do active things because I don't know when MS is going to take them from me. I fear the day that MS takes away my ability  to dance or walk. I really try to dance at every party. I want to walk with my kids or my dog because I truly fear the day I can't. The fact that my body rejected the most tolerant drug for MS scares me.

I don't want to lose my legs which is why MS awareness week is important to me.  I want to continue to walk and dance.  I want a cure. I want to look forward to my future. Most people that look at me would say I have no issues. But truth be told I deal every day with the effects of MS. I feel sideways most days. Imagine your world being completely sideways that is my word. Imagine lights and sounds messing with your brain. That is my world. MS is real. The best way I can describe it , it is like your on roller coaster every hill is exaggerated while driving if I come to a hill it is intense. I sometimes lose my stomach driving and I live in the hill country. I wake up every morning and my legs are numb from the waist down. I get my kids up and my feet hurt like hell walking up the stairs. When I'm in a crowed space the sounds run through my head like freight train. I can not ride roller coasters which I used to love because of vertigo. When the weather is bad my body aches like I'm dying. Heat I hate and fear heat like nothing else. Heat just puts me out and that is all I will say.

MS is a real thing even though people with it don't look sick! I do thank God every day that I don't have cancer or something worst. I do thank God that my kids are healthy! I do have my days where I just really want to be comfortable in my own skin, Because with MS you never feel comfortable in your own skin it is every day a fight! Please fight for a cure! Even though most of us don't look sick we hide it well. MS sucks and it hurts mentally and physically! Please help the cure this is MS month! Sorry bad grammar and bad writing...remember my brain is not right!