Having a teenager is aging me.

I picked up Blake and his friend from a Basketball game. He proceeds to tell me that he was holding his girlfriends hand and it felt pretty good. I feel slightly lightheaded as my years in middle school start to occupy my brain. I can't go into much detail since the Grump is now a regular reader. I don't want to shock his old ass. All I know is I need to keep the lines of communication open try not to be too judgmental and try harder not to laugh. How do you not laugh when they tell you their in love and they haven't even had their first kiss.

Feeling a little panicked that night. I get on Blake's facebook account. I chat with a few of his friends as if I'm him and check out the girlfriends pictures. I've done this before but you have to be careful. You can give yourself away if you don't know their lingo and you don't dare use punctuation. Now my spelling and grammar is already awful so no worries there. The middle school kids stuff on facebook cracks me up. Seventh grade girls calling themselves SEXY LADIES. Are they for real. How many people felt SEXY in middle school. I don't even ever remember feeling sexy in high school but certainly not middle. I see that he is tagged in someones pictures. He is walking across a metal railing. If he falls I will have no worries of him becoming a baby Daddy to early. What a dumb ass though. This picture just re-affirms for me my biggest fears are not for nothing. This kid is a bit of a risk taker and slightly one of those "hey look at what my dumb ass is doing" kids. This to is just the beginning of more scary things to come. Talk about paying for your raising. I hope the Grump is getting a good laugh at this.

We went to some friends house to watch A&M get squashed. I won twenty dollars in a football pot so I was all good. My Besties were taken back to their college years at A&M so they put on a little show. Most entertaining I must say.

So still panicked about Blake I find myself laying outside his bedroom door trying to listen to his phone conversation. He is that guy, the one that smoozes (Sp???) people. A total shit talker. I don't know if I like this. I have done everything in my power to steer him clear of being that guy. I hear him say things like.....I have never been to able to talk to anyone like this before. So I'm laying on the floor making the gag sign in my mouth when he starts to shit talk me. I can't believe my ears. I thought we were different. I thought he still thought I was the greatest thing ever. He tells the girl I don't understand him. DON'T understand him????? Is he crazy, I understand every bit of it. Which is why it scares the hell out of me. This kind of makes me sad.

Blake asks me on Saturday if his girlfriend and her friend can come over. I say sure. He then tells me not to embarrass him. UMMMM, what do you mean??????? He tells me I should not saying anything about them going out or making a cute couple. Seriously I would never do that and I'm not kidding. Then he shoots me the lowest blow of all. He tells me that I think I'm funny but I'm really not that funny. Sad again, I really thought he thought I was funny. I tell him well my friends think I'm funny. Sounding like a child at this point. Again he says something like.....I'm way funnier than you are. I look at him and say where the HELL do you think you got your funny bone from?????? It certainly wasn't your Dad. He actually agrees with me. I won this battle and I feel good for now.

I feel overwhelmed with the New Years still. My house seems to be collecting useless clutter that I only seem to move from place to place still. There is still that extra fat that is not melting away on it's own. My head seems to be filled with just as much clutter as my house. I seem to move that from place to place as well. Still here in LaLa land waiting to win the lotto. First and foremost I might get myself a good shrink! This teenager I live with is aging me quickly.

Thank God the kids are back in school.

Yes, that is a knife in his hand. Another Mom of the New Year moment for me. I don't condone this behavior, I walked in on it! They are trying to carve an arrow out of a stick. Thank God they go back to school tomorrow.







So Tuesday morning comes and I spring out of bed with bells on. I think I might just have heard the ark angels blowing their horns in the background. I get them up and out as fast as I can. This girl is going back to bed in the Vegas style room. I plan on going back to sleep and dreaming about the hot vamp to taking me away from all this for at least an hour. I just start to dose off into that deep sleep when my phone rings. It's Blake and he forgot to put his gym clothes in his bag. I get up get his clothes and get in the car. All the sudden I have this "Ahhh Haaa" moment.......What am I doing????? What I'm doing is bailing this kid out once again. I get out of the car crawl back in bed and call Blake. I tell him I'm not coming with his gym stuff and he will just have to deal with the fact that he was not prepared. He starts to argue with me and tells me I should have had his stuff in his backpack for him. I tell him....I'm your Mom, not your personal assistant. I got back to bed without an ounce of guilt.

My cousin Chelsea is still in town from Chicago. After I finally get up, we get ready get out and go to lunch and get pedicures. Life is hard for me....right! We are at the pedicure place in the great massage chairs. The guy working on my feet pulls an ingrown toe nail out of my big toe. He puts it on the top of my foot and shows it to me. All I'm thinking is great this is why I'm here! I'm here for you to clean up these nasty piggy's! I don't need you to point this crap out to me. After he does this he looks over at his partner and starts this yaaa, yaa, weee, louuu, ya, crap! I'm not dumb, he is crap talking my feet. So I start to read my magazine and relax. Next he gets this cheese grater thing out for the bottom of my feet. He taps me to show me that he is grading dead skin off the bottom of my feet and it actually looks like he is grading cheese and there's a lot of it! Another thing I'm thinking....just do your job I don't need this pointed out to me! For Fucks sake I'm paying for this. Once again he starts that yaaa, waaa, caaa, yaaa, bullshit to his friend. This guy has no idea that I live my life by the standard that "ignorance is bliss" his tip is going down by the minute. I get out of there with pretty feet but the experience is less than great. I tip like I should because I fear karma like a crazy women. So having my cousin here has been great she did the dreaded homework hour with my kids. I may just ask her to stay for the next five years!

Cole and homework just doesn't go hand and hand! That's all I'm going to say!

While at the outlet mall on Sunday I bought "Sprinkles cupcakes"......they are supposed to be great. While making them Blake wanted to help. Now as much as I hate when the kids want to help I give in. I feel that letting them help with things will make for happy daughter-in-laws later.


Chelsea and me have been at the grocery store almost every day since she has been here. She bought some gossip mags while in line. I was excited to sit down and read them. That was until every single one focused on weight loss. It's not like she bought health magazines. She bought Us and People. First I come across the article where Carrie Underwood keeps a food journal to help her with her weight loss. My food journal for the day would read something like cheeseburger, cheese fries, Dr pepper, fried pickles, Ruben sandwich, and beer. I'm doing great thus far with my New Years resolutions. I blame having house guest on this! Next I come across the article where Taylor Swift says she allows herself a few cookies on the weekends. I just have to laugh out loud on this one. Girl is 21 not to mention she is six feet tall. I really think she could eat a box of cookies everyday and be just fine. Then there is an article about people who are half their size. There's an article about the family diet. There's the one about the office diet. My head is spinning at this point so I put on some good old shit TV. Extra is on talking about the wedding people shedding weight. Then there is Mario Lopez's baby Mama who is back to her before baby body in six weeks sporting a bikini. The guilt starts to roll in at this point. I wonder what life would be like if we weren't brain washed by all this shit that makes us feel bad. I want to live in a world where there is no plastic surgery, botox, fillers, lips, boobs, and diets. Lets just all be fat happy and age the way we age! Kate Gosselin pops up on Extra sporting a tiny bikini and looking hot. This just proves if you got money and star power you too could look like that. It's your typical Hollywood makeover. If I had personal trainers, personal assistants, nannies, cooks, and housekeepers I would be smokin! Then I think if I would get off my ass and do something I could look good too. I'm my own worst enemy.

Turn off the TV and back to the magazines. The most interesting things I come across are Neil Patrick Harris and his new babies. I still have a supper 13 year old girl crush on him. I know he's gay but maybe I can change him. I have so much to offer him! Next thing I love is when they rate books in the magazine. I see a book I may need to have. It's called How to write a sentence by Stanly Fisk. After starting this blog I realize I just may need that book. I say I'm sorry sometimes for bad grammar, miss spellings, and bad writing. The problem is sometimes I'm to lazy to proof read. Another thing my brain works faster than my typing so sometimes shit just don't sound right. Finally I come to the only weight loss article I like it has a recipe for a smoothie. Ice cubes, frozen berries, I cup skim, half cup of water, little yogurt, and flaxseed. Sounds pretty good to me.

Anywho still here in LaLa land waiting for the extra fat to fall off, waiting to win the lotto, waiting for the perfect kids. waiting for the perfect marriage, and waiting to wake up the person I'm supposed to be. A little freaked out by the dead birds raining from the sky and the dead fish that I had NO idea about until my twisted sister told me. Once again a fine example of my overactive lame brain. On a brighter note these people I live with are back in school which makes Mama very happy.

Just another year of a long list of New Years resolutions.

We have a family tradition to make ginger bread houses every year. This year Aidan my baby was the only one who wanted to uphold that tradition. Sad but true my babies are no longer babies. All you people with young ones out there, enjoy these little in conveniences because like your Mama's tell's you it does go fast.

This may just be the last year for him too. So I did enjoy this little ginger bread time as much as a pain in the ass it really is. I did think it was cute when Aidan finished his house and he told me this was one of his favorite things about X-mas. See I'm really not all that bad after all.

New Years Eve my friend Kimberly and my cousin Chelsea came to Austin for a visit. We headed out for a New Years Eve party at my neighbors house.

The party was great but what happens at the party stays at the party. For God Sakes I need to keep my friends.

Jen and me got on line on this crazy picture web sight and recorded ourselves acting stupid. This video ended up on facebook and I lost four friends. Friends should not let friends facebook drunk. I can't for the life of me figure out who dumped my ass after this. I think you should be able to see who drops you. All I have to say is lighten up people! Life is short we should all have fun. Don't click on my shit if you don't like it either.

Us girls had lots of fun dancing and singing through the night.

Hub's who had been sick the four days before New Years Eve rallied for the party. Let me just say that we as women get a bad wrap for being dramatic. Hub's was super dramatic and needy during his sick time. Me when I'm sick I want to be alone kind of like a sick cat that goes off to die alone.

Group picture, kind of scary! I would love to post a picture of the end of the night. Like I said I want to keep the friends I have.

This is my favorite New Years picture. These two have been friends since they were born! It's just too cute.

Anyway every New Years I have a long list of New Years resolutions. Seems like the next year comes and I have the same damn list of New Years resolutions. The only difference is I have way more guilt built up because I didn't fulfill any! I seem to live my life in a guilty state of mind. Maybe I should be like a dude and just go with the flow.

This year I have a list that is way too long and overwhelming.
First and foremost....Get healthier and start taking workouts seriously.....now that I'm forty I need to really make this one happen. Since turning forty I have put on ??? pounds and have not changed anything. I need to change at this point. Damn it, if my Mom wasn't right again! I now have fat in places I didn't even know you you could have fat in.

I also want to be a better person and a better mother. STOP shit talking. But damn it shit talking is way too much fun.

I also want to tackle all the useless crap in my house and get rid of it. I started this already, cleaning out closets and what not. The bad thing is I seemed to have moved these piles of shit from one place to another. I really could use one of those reality shows to come in an organize my ass. Do you hear me UNIVERSE?????

I also want to make this MY year....I want to take a creative writing class and take some photography classes. But damn it, I'm too busy driving these people around to games and practices, doing their laundry, doing homework, making dinner, cleaning up after them, rubbing their backs before bed, and now working part time. Whats a girl to do??? Not to mention I pretty much run a bed a breakfast out of here. I actually love that. Surrounding myself with good friends and family makes me happy.

My biggest thing is it's my time to win the lotto. I don't buy into that saying that money doesn't make you happy. I call bullshit one hundred percent! I'm happy, money would just make me much happier. I would be the person you wanted to know if I won. I would take care of lots of people. My family would be totally taken care of, my friends would get a great unexpected gift, and I would go in the shop! I would be that person that spent every cent because you can't take it with you! DO YOU HERE ME UNIVERSE??? Yes I do listen to the secret it hasn't work yet but it will this year.....by the way I need multiple millions to do what I want! Anyway happy New Year.

X-mas comes and goes!

X-mas eve we have a family party at Hub's Mom's house, otherwise known as MiMi. Cole is once again the entertainer. Now in this group there are a few of us that like to be the center of attention. He definitely has a run for the money. In my opinion he out entertains all of us.

The kids can't wait to open up their gifts. Me I'm just scared for the day Hub's gets the credit card bill.

My niece loves Justin Bieber. My boys say he is gay. Me I say they are jealous.

"Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight" There it is......someone finally caught the God awful drunk dance on film. Ya know the one where your hands always end up above your head. You really do think you look good. That is until you see the pictures the next day. The cheezy ass grin tops it off for me.

We lost my Father in law five years ago to cancer. MiMi had a tree planted in the yard in his honor. Every year on X-mas eve we wrap the tree with lights. The first year we did it the night was really windy. Later in the night the wind had blown the lights in the shape of an angel. It was one of those times where you get chills down your spine. He loved spending X-mas with all of us. It was always so much fun with him. We still have a great time together but it's just not the same. Those days are some really great memories for me. We miss him all the time but especially at this time of the year. What I miss most is after the gift opening we would always have a big karaoke sing along. The man could rock the house out! He was a force to be reckoned with. He was a great person to go to when you had a problem. He always had a good answer. He always knew when to call and check on you. There have been many times I wish I could pick up a phone and call him. He is missed everyday. I know he would be proud of all my boys and his Granddaughter. I do believe he looks over us from above.

Even though we did Santa early, I saved the stockings for X-mas morning at MiMi's. Aidan got up before all of us to dig through his loot. This is a big NO, NO, in my house. They know good and well to get Mom and Dad up before they check. He's not too smart, when I was a kid, I would dig and check and then put everything back in it's place before I woke the folks up. I want to barf when I ask Aidan if he liked what he got. He tells me he is OVER "WEBKINZ"! Really dude????? This is what you asked for one week before X-mas! Who can keep up. I want to yell at the top of my lungs....I'm Santa, and you are hurting my feelings. I hold back of course, all in my head! Just like most things I think.

Cole is happy as a clam with his stuff. This has not always been the case with him. We have had some tearful X-mas mornings when he was not happy that he did not get what Blake got. I'm just happy that someone likes what I got for them. This did once again cost me some great boots.

Oh. totally forgot Hub's lifetime friend stopped by on X-mas eve. I won't say much except Hub's may just have turned into the drunk that stole X-mas. Great seeing our friend of course.

Me at this point likes the dog more than anyone. That is mostly because he can't speak. Not to mention he is always happy to see me!

It was great to spend X-mas with family. We had such a great time. I think the boys only broke two things in MiMi's house this visit! My niece Lexi is a doll. I tried to trade but I was shot down right away! Please God give me some Granddaughters some day. Not to fast of course.

Anywho, Cole kind of wins out as best X-mas child this year. I'm just amazed at how fast it comes and goes.

The awful drive to Dallas for X-mas

Ok, we are driving to Dallas for X-mas! Feel sorry for the dog, I do! He is trapped in a very small space in the back of the car. At least he is coming.

Cole is in the back complaining about everything and I mean everything!All that's going through my mind right now is........I'm calling Santa to take back all the shit he just brought! I am serious! Instead I yell that I want a vacation by myself for a week. Cole being the smart ass that he is tells me.......maybe you should take a year! Flabergasted once again by the nerve of this one, I got nothing! Hub's who has totally tuned us out with his Ipod hears none of this! Now Cole who can really be the sweetest of my three can also be the meanest of my three. I really don't know what to say to this and I am usually quick with my words.

Alittle more time goes by and I go to make a phone call. I call some Lotto number by mistake. I see this as a sign. I think I need to stop right now and buy a ticket. Hub's won't stop and thinks I'm crazy. So I'm still waiting to win the Lotto. I just know I'll win big before the end of this year. I have big plans for my money.

I have a bad habit of sitting on my legs. Most of the trip I sat on my legs, texted, facebooked, and checked E-mails. That is in between yelling at my kids and punching Hub's to get his attention. I went to stretch my legs out and all of the sudden I could hear Debbie's voice in my head. She was saying........."Don't sit on your legs it can cause a blood clot that will shoot to your heart and kill you". I have a slight panic attack while stretching my legs out. I'm wondering what it might feel like if my heart exploded from a blood clot. Would I feel it coming????????

Were almost to MiMi's house and that scale in her bathroom enters my brain. I don't keep one in my house.....ignorance is bliss! That crappy thing is going to haunt me for four days. Hub's almost misses the turn in so we seriously roll in on two wheels. I survived another shitty road trip with these people I live with.

Santa comes a little early!

We are opening the rest of our gifts tonight because we are heading to Dallas tomorrow for the holidays. I get the kids a family gift every year. This year they get Kinect for Xbox. I secretly can't wait to play this. I really can't wait till the Michael Jackson dance and sing along comes out in February. I hope Thriller is on it. Hub's and I are trying to figure out what to do about the Santa situation. We want the kids to get their stuff under our tree. Plus the little guys are getting Razor motorcycles, way to big to take anyway. We run a few ideas past each other. Hub's says...Lets do it tonight! I think he is crazy at first. Then I think there is really no other time to do it, unless we do it after X-mas. The kids are all upstairs busy with the gift they just opened. I agree and we start this craziness! I take them out of the house to Walgreen's while Hub's gets the stuff ready. Everything is in our bedroom ready to go when we get back. After we get back we send them upstairs to play a game on their new Kinect. Hub's scrambles putting stuff under the tree while I guard the stairs. He has it all set up so I take some pictures while he guards the stairs. Now it comes down to HOW DO WE EXPLAIN WHY SANTA CAME ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT WHILE THEY WERE UPSTAIRS. Because he is magic, of course.

I write a quick letter to them and put it on the tree. I disguise my handwriting, of course! I tell them I had to come early since they would not be here on X-mas. I tell them to leave me cookies and their stockings at MiMi's. The stocking were just brain overload for me at this point. I need a day or two to prepare this. Plus they need something fun on X-mas day. Next I grab the jingle bells off the stairs I run through the down stairs jingling these bells yelling HO, HO, HO, in a deep voice trying not to laugh.

It looks great downstairs and I may be more excited then them.

They run to the stairs, that is the two little guys. I tell them hurry up and get Blake. They want to know what all the noise was about. I tell them Santa was here.

They at first think I'm pulling their leg. I am in some ways, but Santa really was here. They are really excited, especially since this came out of left field.

I LOVE Blake's face......it kind of says.....WHAT THE HECK, ARE YOU FREAKS FOR REAL?????? This is of course since he is the one who knows there is No such thing as Santa. I believe he thinks we have gone off the deep end.

That is until he realizes he got the computer he wanted. Now he he doesn't think we are that freaky.

This really went off with out a hitch. That is until Aidan saw Hub's throw the jingle bells into the laundry room. Aidan pulled me aside to ask why Hub's had Santa's bells. I tell him Santa left them here so we will have to return them. He then shows Cole the bells, who tells Aidan....."I saw those bells in my room when Mom was setting up for X-mas, those are, our bells". Shit I have to retract my story and make it believable. I tell them Santa landed in the yard and came in through the garage to bring the gifts. He asked if I had a set of bells, since it is not actually X-mas. I gave him my bells to use. He dropped the gifts and the note, used my bells, yelled HO, HO, HO, with some laughs and left lighting fast. They totally bought this bullshit and now I'm exhausted and can't believe I can lie sooooo fast! Well I am giving myself a little too much credit they do still fall for "secret cameras".

All I have to say is.... I hope to God I earned my angel wings when I go! This picture right here makes it all worth it! These people I live with just aren't that smart yet Thank God!

More X-mas

Today I spent the day out doing my last minute shopping. The traffic is horrible and people are cranky. It's X-mas time we should all be happy.

While out I run into Game Stop. I'm behind this lady who has her middle school child with her. The guy ringing her up asks her if she knows about the violence and the language in this game. I see her get uncomfortable and then she starts to try to explain herself. The guy doesn't care, they have to say that crap it's part of their job description. I want to say.....Hey lady don't worry were all lazy parents who have given into our know it all children. So we might have an abundance of violent children with fowl mouths in a few years, it's not our fault it's the game peoples fault. I'm next and the guy asks me what age I'm buying my game for. I totally lie and say it's for my thirty year old brother. Then I have to add in my two cents by saying....I can't believe parents allow their children to play this crap. WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO??????
.

Blake gets a Ipod dock so he can stop stealing ours! This was my deal of the year. I got it months ago when Target was closing them out. Damn thing was $125.00 and I got it for $29.00 dollars. I love a deal.

Cole is busy at the kitchen table trying to put his Lego's together. This last about ten minutes before he is bored. Guess who finishes this project??? You guessed it.....Mom of the year. A girls job is never done.

There are these guys in our neighborhood that fly remote control planes. Aidan loves to watch them fly these suckers. He always comes home and "Googles" the planes. Of course one of these is on the dreaded Xmas list. These aren't cheap and there not really for kids either. I search on line for a deal. No deal to be found. I go to a Hobby shop in town and find one on the clearance isle. He is so excited when he gets it. But then he says something like this is not the one I asked for though. I really want to slap him about now. Hub's really wants to slap me about now because it's a pain in the ass to put together. I see now why it was on clearance, I believe it's something the hobby shop found in it's warehouse. It must have been hidden behind something for years since the instructional video is VHS. I don't have a VHS, what am I going to do with this. We will never be able to fly this! You know that saying..."To good to be true". It usually means it is.

Hub's passes me in the hallway and quietly says....YOU SUCK. I think to myself so do you! He was a trooper putting the 1980 plane together. Now we will see if he can figure out how to fly this sucker. And I wonder why people are so cranky at X-mas. The older I get the more I get it.

Like that grin on Hubby's face..........PRICELESS. The Joy of Christmas!