Lordy, Lordy, looks who's 40!

Lordy, Lordy, looks who's 40. This has been in my head for the last ten years! Literally. This is a picture of me at 40. I thought I was fat and looked old! It's my theory that I think we should age in reverse. Totally stealing that theory from the Benjamin button movie. I didn't have a pinch of fat, and I looked young. I didn't get it until I actually aged. Now I know what fat and old looks like. Kind of I'm not that fat...but fatter then at 40! My mom always told me if you don't like a picture of yourself now you will love it in ten years. She was right. And that was yesterday. It's Aidan's Aka Pig pens bday tonight. I posted pics of him through the years. It's been a sad day for me. Where did the years go....LOL I'm making this all about me and my issues! Get over myself right. At least I own it! Happy we have made it through the shitty years with almost no issues. Knock on wood...seriously. I don't want to count my chickens till they all hatch. Still have a year and a half to go with him. But he was my hardest in elementary school. Riddled with anxiety afraid of everything. But HS has been a breeze compared to his brothers. He's driven and such a hard worker. I'm so proud of him.

I'll never forget a few things my Mother said over the years. She told me before you know it your kids are grown and you are scratching your head where the years went. Check I'm there! Scratching is an understatement! My mother said and she may kill me that the key to happy marriage is bitting your tongue, putting out regularly,  and complement them a lot. Because us girls get the high maintenance pinned on our heads. Not the case though. Men are way more needy! She said men are simple they need food, sex, and compliments. Honestly  We get a bad wrap. Men are way more high maintenance. How many of you have a husband who thinks he's dying when he's sick. When we are sick we are driving kids to school and doing laundry. Right???? My Father said something that sticks in my head too. He said there will come a day when you look in mirror and don't recognize yourself. You will still feel young and realize your body is aging. I see that now.. No fun!

So fifty nifty, nifty fifty comes to mind.....Bullshit. Fifty fuck that... fifty how the fuck? Fifty Bullshit. Fifty fucking sucks. Fifty is great if you are Jennifer Lopez. My Dad is going to mad? He hates when I cuss... Old school I guess. I like it. But it ain't me. I love to cuss....not sure where I came from. My catholic school upbringing failed. I love God but I love to cuss. Makes me feel better. I will write something nice about my about to be 19 year Cole soon tomorrow So June is a good month for hubs. Hard to say. He turns 19 tomorrow. My Dad text me on my 50th bday.."happy 50th that's hard to say" But he was a child like 20 when he had me. He was 47 when I married. So young. Younger than me now! I love that my kids have so many great times with my parents over the years. They are my happiest memories. And my husbands mom has been there through so many good times too. His Dad got cheated and passed away young. But was there to see all my kids for a while. Also there to get me through the my first born.....oh how I cherish that. He was my rock that day. Miss that man all the time. He was one of a kind. Taught me a ton.

Anyway.... On my soapbox tonight. Life is hard, harder for some more than others. The older we get the harder it is. I was super naive in my younger years...probably longer than I should have been. The older we get we become scared from life. Disappointed in things and people. Some smart person once told me hold on to your family because they are the people who have your back no matter what. The good bad and the evil and they love you no matter what. So true, You find very few friends along the way that are just as good as your family that you can be honest and true with. I'm super blessed to have found those people in my life. And I'm really blessed I have have the best sister in the world, she will be forever my best friend.

50 years five million beers

50 years five million beers! Oh the things I have seen and done. Looks like I made it! At least to 50, which seemed so impossible and so old at age 20. But honestly it got here sooner than I thought it would. Wishing it hadn't gone so fast. Wishing for a do over. Thinking about it I don't feel 50 most days. Not that I know what it's supposed to feel like. I'm 50 for the first and last day of my life. I remember for some reason when my kids were born I calculated what their age would be when I was 50. I remember being upset that I would still have a kid in HS at age 50. Maybe because at that age 50 was OLD AS HELL! Maybe because my parents were in their 30's when I graduated HS! And I thought they were old at that time. But today I'm just happy to be celebrating my 50th Bday.

So today on my 50th I was dreaming the grim reaper was after me right before I woke up....NO JOKE. He was not only after me but my Dad, Mom, and Brother. We were at a Halloween party and people were dropping like flies. I kept running from him....hoping he wasn't getting my family. Which all oddly took place at my Grandparents house. In my dream I had no husband or kids....No clue what the hell that dream was about! I woke up feeling sad kinda of teary eyed. Again not any clue why. MAYBE because I'm 50! I don't love it! If I can be honest I'd like to be 27 again. I feel It's unfair how fast the years went. I want to go back to when my kids were babies. Those were my favorite years of my life so far. I'd hug them tight and start over. Do have regrets ....ummm yes a ton. But I'm thankful for these 50 years and everything they have come with.

I sit here tonight with an island full a fabulous gifts, from my best friends and family members. Everyone put so much thought into what I love and hit the nail on head. I'm so thankful for all these people in my life. Went to a great dinner and lunch with my friends. They make me feel special. I couldn't ask for a better 50 years! Unless you really want a list...LOL! I could ask for a few changes! I wish people I have lost over the years were still here. I wish people I have seen struggle didn't have those struggles. I wish my face wasn't melting like candle! If I had a Hollywood makeover I'd feel better. Two of my kids no longer live here. Wish we were all still here and I could freeze time. Crazy to think about.

At 50 I feel different....

I'm no longer worried who likes me....not everyone likes me and that's ok. I don't like everyone either so I shouldn't expect everyone to like me. I don't like myself all the time.  Not everyone who enjoys an apple enjoys an orange....and that's ok! I'm an orange if you care.

I'm no longer afraid to have my own opinion. I don't have to agree with people and they don't have to agree with me....We can still be friends!

I know myself.....Kinda of....The good, bad , and the evil and I own it, SOMETIMES....LOL I still like to lie to myself. My sister sets me straight a lot.

I can laugh at myself. If I have food in my teeth, if I fart, or snort it's funny!

I'm more at peace with my mistakes and tooting my horn if I do something great.

I don't give a flying F what you think of me or my kids anymore....this was a struggle for years for me. We are who we are, not perfect but we work for us. That's all that counts.

I embrace my imperfections. I'm never going to weight 110 even though I swore I would the last ten years. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. Kind of

I'm not afraid of flying as much as I used to be. I take drugs now to fly!

I take life way less serious because we are all doing the best we can.

I can totally use the excuse "I'm set in my ways"! YEP I'M AT THAT AGE NOW!

I have such a greater appreciation for life and my family and friends. They are the best part of my life.

I can laugh at others even in their face! Because I'm old!

I don't sweat the small stuff...Or I lie to myself about this

I have a good reason for forgetting things or not being able to see small print!

People expect you to be a bad dancer, a bad singer, and to go home early.

You can give good old people advise, forgive people because it doesn't really matter, and let go because you know life is short!

So to cap things off I'm 50....hard to say that. But I'm so thankful for everything. I love my family and my friends. My husband and I have been blessed with good kids, family, and friends, I probably have run on sentences and grammar mistakes in this post...But I can't see and I'm old. Cheers to five million more beers....And hopefully granddaughters some day! HAPPY BDAY TO ME!

Oh yes final note I have a belly...what that means to me is I've enjoyed beers, pizza, and burgers. In my perfect life it wouldn't put fat on my belly...But I'm living large! And oh yes, at 50 you realize a ton of people talk shit about you.....and that's ok because you to talk shit about people. Lets be honest! And how sad it would be if we were not important enough to talk shit about. We are always being judged but honestly we are are always judging too. So we should all just get over ourselves and try and support each other.....easier said then done. My next 50 years I will try and get over myself and stop judging and talking shit. Amen