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I found the perfect thing to keep him in.....an egg carton.
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Last night I was checking on all my sleeping chickens. I went into Blake's room. I saw a note on his night stand that was clearly from a girl. I thought to myself....that's his note none of my business. I always hated when Debbie would read my notes as a kid. If I was smart I would have read them and destroyed them so Debbie couldn't read them. She used to get alot of good info out of those notes. I couldn't help myself and I grabbed the note to read it. It said something about how she was so thankful he gave her his jacket to wear. I was wondering where his jacket went. Then it said she thinks she loves him. What LOVE???? What happened to the days of Do you like, like me?? He is the cutest boy in school and she can't wait to hang out all summer! I don't think so Sister!!!! The best part of the note was so typical middle school girl stuff. It said Please, please, please, write me a note back, tell me how you feel, and say something nice. WOW, reminds me of myself in middle school. Scary. It had a bunch of hearts and flowers drawn all over it. I'm not ready for this shit! Why can't I have the dorky kid that girls don't like???? I feel like I could puke in my mouth.
I have been doing ab exercises like a crazy person for like six weeks straight now. It's bullshit because I still have belly fat. I never had to workout before. Now that I am doing something I am fatter than I ever was. Something is wrong with this picture. Yesterday I ran to GNC to get a colon cleanse. I was talking to the guy telling him my problem. I figure I have to be loaded with shit or something. I just need to clean out that colon. He asks what I'm doing as far as exercise and diet. DIET????? Yada, Yada, Yada, I can't hear you! I tell the guy I think there is just ten ponds of shit stuck in my colon. Well at least that's what I was thinking. He sells me this Detox-LGC pill. It's supposed to cleanse you Colon, liver, and gallbladder. Then he tells my I will have to take a shot of this AIO stuff with it. This is a liquid cellular health drink. I swear there is a six pack hiding under this jelly roll.
I wake up the next day after dreaming about chicken tacos and cheese popcorn.....don't ask! I take the pill with warm water. Then I take a shot of this god awful tasting cellular drink. I start to get ready to go to my friends house when I get this wave a heat in my head. I look in the mirror and my face is red as shit and it feels like I'm in an oven. I start to panic. I'm thinking to myself....what if I die all from not wanting a little extra belly fat. How selfish that would be. What will my kids say??? Then my arms turn red and they feel like they are on fire. What to do???? Do I go to the hospital??? Am I having an allergic reaction???? Am I having a stroke??? Then I start to panic more and wonder if my throat is going to close up. I pace between mirrors checking my color and looking to see if my tongue is swelling. Debbie once sent me and E-mail that said if your tongue is swelling you could be having a stroke. My mind starts to mess with me and I think I may be short of breath. I decide to grab the bottles of both things I just took so I can google side effects. This could be bad if there is a bad side effect it's going to send me right over the edge. So the pills really have no awful side effects that I can find. While on the computer I'm breathing deep breaths as if I'm giving birth. I keep checking my face to see how hot it is. I get to the AIO side effects and it says may cause flushing and a heat sensation. This is because it has niacin in it. Phew, all that panic for nothing.
Anyway my final thoughts of the day. I wonder why I did three loads of laundry and only came out with four pairs of matching socks. I have nine socks with no match. I would love to see where these missing socks go. Maybe there is a secret sock island where they are turned into sock puppets. They probably dance and drink all day. I'm also wondering why these people I live with don't flush the toilet behind them. I'm sick of finding shit left behind. Just sitting here dreaming of my trailer in the backyard with my own TV, my own computer, my flushed toilet and I can find all my shit just fine. Once again sorry for mis spelling and bad grammar, I'm just to lazy to proof read.
Anyway my final thoughts of the day. I wonder why I did three loads of laundry and only came out with four pairs of matching socks. I have nine socks with no match. I would love to see where these missing socks go. Maybe there is a secret sock island where they are turned into sock puppets. They probably dance and drink all day. I'm also wondering why these people I live with don't flush the toilet behind them. I'm sick of finding shit left behind. Just sitting here dreaming of my trailer in the backyard with my own TV, my own computer, my flushed toilet and I can find all my shit just fine. Once again sorry for mis spelling and bad grammar, I'm just to lazy to proof read.
1 comment:
If your brother is not making 6 figures being a poster boy for a pizza place he needs a new job. for the rest of your post, I am too drunk to remember what you wrote. Keep up the stories!
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