Do you ever think if you think to much your going to unravel? I'm a huge over thinker of everything. I almost drive myself to point of insanity sometimes. I hate to fly even though flying is one of the safest things in world. Before I go on a plane I make myself sick with worry, I imagine a plane crash and what I would do. I go through every what if in my head. I could write a book on the what ifs in my brain. Sounds crazy, my Dad once sent me an Email about more people getting killed by donkeys than in plane crashes a year. Doesn't matter though as much as I reason with myself I still fear planes. I dream about being in an airport and dreading being on a plane. I have a huge anxiety complex. I fear almost everything which drives me crazy, sometimes I feel like I miss out on so much from panicking. I watch something on Dr. Oz and I trick my mind into thinking I have that. I have cut myself off from watching him. I sometimes think to much info is not good for me. I want so bad to not sweat the small stuff. I think my Mom as much as I love her scared the shit out of me. She works for an insurance company and pays medical claims. From the time I was little she has told me freak things that have happened to people. She was always the one who said if you sit on your legs you can have a blood clot that goes to your heart. She still tells me crazy stories that I really don't want to know because I believe "ignorance is bliss". I'm trying real hard not to raise my children to fear things. As much as I have not made a big deal out of anything I have one child who fears everything. Aidan my youngest and my very unplanned baby fears the most craziest things. He thought when we moved to Austin that the vultures that are in our neighborhood were going to pick him up and take him away. He spent our first year here not wanting to wear a shirt in fear that the vulture would pick him up and take him. He also wanted his hair cut really short so they would not get him by his hair. I don't get this because I have made it a point even when I feel anxiety to not put it on my children. I think do we inherit this crap. He worries about everything, I have to be careful with him. If he sees something on the news that's bad he will ask me for weeks if that could happen to him. He cut his eyelid open once, when we told him we had to take him to the hospital he asked me if he was dying. When he was losing his first tooth he spent the afternoon crying because he thought he was going to choke on it. I had to talk him into letting me pull it out. While I was getting it he was shaking uncontrollably. I feel bad for the little guy. I could go on and on about the what ifs he has asked me. Last night Aidan fell on his rollerblades and got a pretty good size cut on his back. The next thing I know he is coming to me shaking with this crazy fear in his eyes and asks me if his lung is hanging out his back. I did have to laugh at first, but then I assured him that his lung was not coming out of his back. He asks me over and over if I was sure. I find out the his sweet older brother Blake told him this. Tonight I'm in the front yard throwing the football with Cole when Aidan comes out of the house screaming......Is my eyelid flipped out??? What?????? Why would your eyelid be flipped out??? He tells me Blake told him this! Blake got such a belly laugh out of the lung thing so now he is going to mess with my baby. I may have to kick his ass. My poor baby I hope I can break him of this fear of everything. I know it is not fun to fear things and you can drive yourself crazy. This one particular oldest person I live with may be getting a joke played back on him. I'm going to have to come up with something good for Aidan to do to him.
No comments:
Post a Comment