My cousin Chelsea came in for a weekend visit. Friday night we head out to the stadium sports bar for a little karaoke. Cole is the only one of us that participates in the singing. He rocks the house to a Blake Shelton country music song. He is so funny the way he works the room. The more the people cheer the more he hams it up. He gets a ton of laughs maybe because he is four foot tall singing "the more I drink, the more I smoke, I'm the world's greatest lover and a dancing machine." I know this screams WHITE TRASH all the way. I don't care one bit because it just makes me belly laugh every time I see him sing. I may just have to take this act on the road.
Saturday Chelsea and I take the kids to the pool for a while. I think Chelsea may have forgot to put some sunscreen on, OUCH.
Aidan is an only child Saturday night. Cole is at a sleepover and Blake is at 6 flags with choir. Since we only have one child we decide to meet some friends downtown. Aidan is excited because we our taking our dog Ziggy with. Yes that is a gray mustache Aidan is wearing thanks to my friend Sharri. He insists on wearing it to the restaurant and acting like an old man while wearing it. It is kind of funny, I even have fun trying it on at the restaurant.
Hubby is stressed out to the max since we have the dog with us. I don't know why his panties are in a wad over this we have the best dog ever. Guess who holds the dog all night anyway???? Lets just say not hubby or only child.
Chelsea scans the bar for any cute single guys. Ok, so this may not be what she had in mind but at least he is cute.
We have a great time hanging out and eating at "Feddies" downtown. We have to cut the night a little short since Blake is getting home from 6 flags at 9:30. Blake walks in and falls asleep within 5 minutes.
Sunday we are planning to take the boat out. Right when we get everything ready it starts to rain. What to do???? Shopping of course. Blake asks if he can go with. He talks Chelsea and I into stopping in Academy sports center. We go in and Chelsea and me end up in the bathing suite section. All I have to say is........For the love of God can they please STOP putting fluorescent lights into dressing rooms. I know I have said this before but if I never had to look at my ass under fluorescent again I would be happy. Now I know it's bad in the light so I tell myself........ just try it on quick and make sure I find something that fits. I get in there, get the suite on, and I just can't help myself. I have to look at my ass in the mirror. I'm always surprised to see how big it really is. Then I see the dimples so I start to pull the skin up on my thighs I see how much better they would look. Next I'm looking at myself from the front pulling the fat on my upper thighs back to see how much better they would look. In the fluorescent lighting I find things I didn't even know were there and I would have been perfectly happy not knowing. This is why I buy most things without trying them on, but since suits are not returnable I'm kind of stuck. I'm now standing in the mirror as tall as I can sucking my stomach in. I move onto my face that did not look like this in my own mirror. I find myself pulling back my neck that seems to be becoming a part of my face back. Now I'm stretching out the crows feet to see what I would look like with botox. If I wasn't so afraid of shooting rat poison in my face I would have already taken care of this problem. Instead I'm almost obsessively putting "Marrakesh Oil" around my eyes to soften the lines. I got connedinto buying this overpriced oil from my hairdresser. As I was paying she made the mistake of telling me you can use it on rough elbows. My overactive mind ran with that and thought I wonder if it helps crows feet. I do have to say it seems to work better that any of the overpriced skin creams. That is if your ok with clogged pours and pimples again. Oh and yes "Marrakesh oil" is supposed to go in your hair. The bags under my eyes I won't even get into since I feel I earn these. Anyway back to the dressing room. I move to my roots which I know I have some grays but geez that many really??? I walk out of that dressing room feeling less than perfect. Even though I have stuck hard to the yoga in the morning I have a sad feeling its to little to late. I was kind of expecting instant gratification like it used to happen in my twenties. At this point I almost wish I was born a dude. They seem to have no shame, they walk around naked and proud no matter what they look like, and they seem to have no problem at the pool letting it all hang out. If someone could just stretch me a few inches this would not be so bad. I think it would be really funny to have a reality show about what people do in dressing rooms.
I'm at the check out counter and I call Blake to meet me at the front. Well here comes Blake with a two hundred dollar paint gun in his hands. I look at him like he is crazy and say "WHAT is that?" He tells me it's the paint gun he wants. (mind you he has a perfectly good paint gun already) I tell him to go put it back. He stands there and looks at me like I'm smoking something funny. He tells me he is going to buy it. I ask with what money. He is standing there with his wallet that has sixty dollars in it. I tell him he is a little short so he better go put it back. He then tells me if I pay the difference he will pay me back. I have fallen for this before and it's not happening this time. Go put it back I say for the third time. Again he tells me he is buying it. I look at him and say "do I look like an ATM machine to you???? Do you think you could pull my arm and fricken hundred dollar bills will shoot out my mouth??" I tell him put the gun up I will be in the car. We pretty much look like crazy white trash arguing in front of everyone in the store. I don't care at all though. I know I'm responsible for this crazy spoiled immediate gratification monster. I do have to place a little of the blame on his two Grandmas and a few relatives that I will not name. I walk out of the store and get in the car. I'm waiting for him and he is held up in that store thinking I'm going to give in. I call him and at this point I yell get your ass to the car right now. I wait a little longer, still no Blake. I call his Dad and tell him to call him because I am seriously about to drive away and leave him there. His Dad calls him and of course he comes right out because my kids listen to him. This always amazes me since I am way more mean than him. All the way home he stares out the window like he just lost his dog and he is not saying a word to me. We get home and I tell him he can not get that gun until he has saved enough money to buy it himself. I would love nothing more than to give my children everything they want but I do have a big responsibility to him to show him you have to earn things. While I'm talking to him I am saying all the things my parents used to say to me. I remember being a kid and not giving a shit what they had to say. I get it now, are you happy Mom and Dad????
On a more serious note I just want to take the time to say, I have heard some bad stuff this week. First the women from the school who has two young children and is dying from Lou Garrett's. Second I had a dear friend who died three years ago tragically after hitting his head. I found out today that his brother is in need of a kidney transplant that is a life or death situation. I saw the clip where the parents that I know well were saying they do not want to lose two sons in their lifetime. Third I was talking to my friend Gigi who lost her Dad unexpectedly from a brain tumor he did not know he had. So I think to myself don't sweat the small stuff. I'm praying for all three of these families who don't deserve any of this. These people I live with make me want to scream more often than not but I would not change that for anything. If your reading this please say a prayer for the families I have mentioned.
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