Crazy busy weekend

Sick of my bluebonnet pictures yet? I'm not! These are the kids that have been staying next door to us with their Grandparents. Their Dad is in the navy and has been away on a boat for almost a year. Their Dad is coming home this week so they will be moving back out of state. I'm very happy their family will be back together but also sad to see them go.

Cole and Aidan play with the girls everyday. It's going to be strange when they are gone. Aidan had his first kiss from one of them. We will miss them so much especially since they will most likely be going overseas for the next few years. Hubby and I are great friends with their Grandparents so I know we will see them again.

Tonight my anxiety is running wild. I don't even know why! I have this feeling in my stomach and chest of pure anxiety. I have suffered from this since I was a kid. I wish I could make it go away. I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything, so many things I say I'm going to do and the shit is just not getting done. It's driving me crazy, I wish I had an off button for my overactive brain. I need Dr Oz to come stay with me for a month and retrain my brain into living a healthier life. I feel I need to be eating better and exercising more (or at all for that matter). I hate when this guilt takes over about all the stuff I think I should be doing and I just can't seem to do it. I have guilt about my kids. Even though I think I'm a good Mom I feel I'm failing epically at the same time. Sometimes I feel like a dog chasing my tail. I want perfect kids! I know in reality that is just not possible. Sometimes talking with other Moms I feel they have the perfect kids and the perfect life and I'm just not there. The biggest thing I want for me kids is for them to be happy, healthy and wealthy. I have guilt about friendships, people I should have called but so much time has gone by it's almost at that uncomfortable stage. I try to be a good friend but sometimes I know I can do better. I have made some big mistakes. I love my sister Kelly because we have had that kinda relationship that we can always be straight with each other. I love that she can tell me I'm dead on wrong and I might be pissed at the time but it's always water under the bridge after it. I have a colonoscopy hanging over my head that I just don't want to deal with. My Mom had colon cancer a few years ago which for some reason they know is a gene thing. My Mom is on me to get this awful procedure but I really believe sometimes that ignorance is bliss and this is not something I want to deal with. Sounds stupid as hell I know that but it is how I feel. After reading this your probably thinking I need a great therapist! I'm thinking that myself. Writing this blog is really for my kids and when they are at the age when they are grown I want them to know me and know my thoughts, my fears, and my complaints. I want them to learn from this and make better decisions from this and be better people. Another busy weekend with these people I live with with and these people that visit! I do love having people visit it occupies this overactive brain of mine.