Overwhelmed and underpaid

First day of school! I don't think I can put into words how happy this makes me. Though it's a pain in the ass to wake up so early to get kids up and make breakfast. This for me means I can put the referee uniform away for several hours. I can go back to bed with no one interrupting my sleep with the words "MOM". Don't get me wrong I pushed to hear the words Mom or Mommy when these kids were little. Unfortunately these words have become almost blood curdling these days. Back in the day it was "Mommy I love you", "Mommy watch this". Now it's more like "Mommmmmm Cole hit me", "Mom Aidan took my Ipod", Mom can you make me mac&cheese, waffles, and a grill cheese", "Mom I'm hungry again", "Mom I need some money", and "Mom can you give me a ride"! So I kissed these two goodbye and yes I did a happy dance in my foyer as I shut the door behind them.

Now Blake is at the middle school so he is on a whole different time table than the other two. This is most annoying. I used to be able to get them all out the door at once. I now have to do this in shifts. Blake is on the middle school football team so he has to leave the house at 6:45am and he doesn't get home till 4:45. Seems like an awful long day to me but what do I know. I'm just happy to be rid of him for a while. This one spent his summer trying to tell me what to do with the other two. He's at that "know it all" stage in his life. Sometimes I'd like to drop kick his ass. It can be really annoying when your middle school kid who knows nothing about raising kids tells you how to raise yours. I have a Mom to tell me how to raise my kids......I don't need a 13 year old as well. I have taken a picture of him on the first day of school for as long as he has been going. Today for the first time he would not smile and pretty much told me to get out of his face with the camera. This from the kid that I carried for nine months. The kid that I changed his diapers, cleaned his puke, picked his nose, and wiped his tears. This is what I get!!!!! What an ungrateful ass. All I wanted has one damn picture. I drop kicked his ass out the door and I went back to bed.

I wake back up around 9:30. I promised myself I would start to do my yoga regularly after school started. I pop in the DVD and the damn DVD machine is broken. Now I have another one upstairs but I like to do my yoga downstairs. I open up the windows downstairs because I'm surrounded by big trees in this house. This makes me feel like the girl on the DVD that is surrounded by beautiful nature. I know it sounds crazy but it motivates me in a way. I head upstairs to the media room to do my yoga. This room is dark and has no windows, it's a man cave. I'm standing there trying to do my yoga and relax and all I smell is the aroma of Axe, ass, and smelly feet. This is left over from a weekend full of middle school boys hanging up there.

I have a doctors appointment at 1:00. I go on map quest and print out my directions. I get lost while driving there, this is the first time that map quest has done me wrong. I pull over and call the office to get directions. Guess what........it goes right to the animated voice bullshit. I'm soooo surprised by this let me tell you. It seems you can never talk to a real person these days. I leave a message to tell them I'm lost. To my surprise someone calls me right back. I get the directions and I get lost again. I pull over again and attempt to use my GPS in the car. It must still be set for Illinois because it keeps giving me Illinois addresses. I knew I should have let hubby show me how to use this one of the 500 hundred times he asked to show me. I'm at the point where I'm so frustrated that I am in tears. I decide to drive around a little more even though I am at the point where I want to throw in the towel. I come across the place and the problem is the damn street has two names. I never understood why they do this. Don't they know people like me can't handle that kind of crap. I walk in 15 minutes late. Thank God I left way early or I would have been 45 minutes late. I sign in and apologize for being late. I sit down in a waiting room with at least 30 other people so I guess being late isn't that big of a deal. This is going to be one of those doctors that you don't get in till an hour after your scheduled time. In the waiting room I'm surrounded by old people. I can't help but wonder what their story is or why they are here. I wonder if all these people are here to get their ass poked like me. The carpet in this place is so busy it is making me dizzy. I wonder if they put this kind of carpet in doctors offices to make you think something more is wrong with you. That way they can hit you up for more expensive testing. I can just see one of these old people going in there saying I was getting really dizzy and nauseated. They call me back and do the dreaded weigh thing and blood pressure check. My blood pressure is kind of high for me. I guess it's because while trying to figure my GPS I lost it and started pounding on my steering wheel and crying. I am also really nervous when it comes to doctors. I don't like them I don't know why, I think it may be because my Mom scares the shit out of me on a weekly basis about crap that could be wrong.

I'm in the room waiting for the Doctor and of course his nurses have to come in to question me first. She asks the dreaded do you use alcohol. I say yes. She then says more than two drinks at a time. Well technically I'm only drinking one at at time so I lie. Now don't get me wrong I'm not sucking back cocktails every night though that might help ease the pain of living with these people. I do tend to drink more than two when I am enjoying a frosty beverage though. She starts to ask things like are you tired, are you thirsty, do you have a hard time feeling asleep. The crazy part of me wants to scream YES whats wrong with me????? The Doctor finally comes in to go over the procedure he will be preforming on me. BTW, I'm getting a colonoscopy if you haven't figured it out. He tells me I won't remember anything. I don't want to tell him I fear waking up or babbling crazy stuff while on the table. I just hope I don't fart! Then I think wow this guy is going to have a birds eye view of everything.....I really want laser. We say our goodbyes and he says he will see me on the table. Yeah he will see me all right!

I'm waiting again to check out and schedule this mess. The girl is going through the days and I try to push it out as far as I can. She tells me I will have to bring a payment of 8 hundred and 50 dollars that day. I'm a little taken back by this number but I'm trying to stay cool. I'm trying to listen to everything else she has to say but all I can think of is the 850. I really don't want to pay 8 hundred and 50 dollars for someone to look up my ass. I keep thinking of all the things I can do with that money. I almost cancel but I know my Mom would kill me. I leave there and all the way home I think that is BS that I have to pay that much for that kind of thing! Imagine paying someone to put a camera up your ass! Bullshit I say.

That night we head to a long football practice and 106 degree weather. The kids have to put on full pads and helmets. I will stop myself here otherwise hubby will get mad at me for crap talking youth sports. After football we go to see hubby's softball game. He is in the championship game. To all of our surprise including them they win the championship. Last year they played and only won two games. They really showed the league this time by being the champs.

Tonight before bed the kids fought with me about the TV and what they were bringing to lunch. We then had a fight about bedtime. I heard the awful words that I'm the worst mother ever again. It wouldn't be another school year without being the worst mother ever. If I liked the taste of Vodka I would drown myself in a bottle about now. I'm starting to think these people I live with may be hazardous to my health.