MaMa needs a cocktail

 So we spent a few days in Dallas. Hub's flew home Thanksgiving night. We stayed two more days. I had to drive home with three boys and a dog by myself. To say I needed a cocktail after that ride is an under statement. Blake...aka...the not so charming prince is finally big enough to drive in the front seat with me. It was nice in a way not to drive alone in the front. But he controlled the music which sometimes I can deal with. BUT THE BUM, BUT A BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM...was wearing on my brain this ride. My car was vibrating like two rap stars were riding in it. Cole and Aidan started bickering in the back seat. Blake who sometimes thinks he is their parent and not their brother started trying to control the situation. Cole and Aidan never respond well to Blake trying to parent them. Cole ends up popping off to Blake. All the sudden Blake is diving over the front seat to the back to fight with Cole. I'm going 80 miles an hour down the highway. I'm trying to pull Blake back to the front seat. All I have to say is Mama needed a cocktail after that drive.

So while watching shit TV tonight they were talking about Jessica Simpson. I guess she is pregnant before her million dollar weight watchers contract is up. They were talking about how she couldn't loose the weight so she got pregnant to get out of her contract. Then they were talking about all the celebrities that have lost weight on weight watchers. There are a bunch of them....the guy who married Britney Spears, Kirstie Alley, Valerie Bertinelii, Janet Jackson, and Jennifer Hudson. Yes, they lost the weight and look great. But come on...if someone offered you a million dollars to lose weight would it not set a fire under your ass?????  I don't know about you but if someone offered me a cool million to loose weight I would do crazy ass shit to get this shit off! Instead of fast forwarding while watching shit TV I would be doing jumping jacks. I would pee and do crunches at the same time. I might have tried that once. I would run in place while eating. If all else failed I would wire my mouth shut for that million. Hub's would LOVE that! I think weight watchers would be more effective if they knocked on some normal persons door and offered them a contract to loose the weight. The commercials could follow some every day persons success story! Thinking I should go into advertising about now...I may be on to something. Like reality weight watchers! I really don't think there are many people who wouldn't loose it for a million bucks!

While I'm thinking out of the box I think I need rehab. This comes after being on ladies night with a few of my best friends. One of my friends was talking about some rich person she knew who went to rehab. She said it was like a 90 day spa. I thought I could use that. I could totally say I was an alcoholic. I would have some sob story, I would make it sound good too. After everyone told me how strong I was I would ask  to go to the massage room and then ask for lunch and a nap. After weeks of this they would say are you ready to see your family. I would cry a bit and say..."I just don't think I'm ready". I would say I think I need more massages, some meditation, some good food, and a few more naps. Wondering how long I could get away with that. I would want my perfect dog there with me though.

On a final note...I used to imagine naked bed angels while Hub's was out of town. Since Mental pause I find myself imagining naked snow angels! Hot flashes suck! There is a lot to say about these people this week but I'm not in the mood to loose anymore friends at this point. While in Dallas My kids took over the TV. I had nothing to do. Since I can't sleep I read back on this blog. I have been writing in it three years now. I laughed, cried, and realized I have said a lot of the same shit over and over the last three years. I'm in the same boat I was when I started this blog. I need to either shit or get off the pot at this point in so many ways!!!!!!

Grandma

My Grandma has been gone for two years today. It kind of seems like forever to me.  I miss her everyday. She was by far one of the greatest people I ever knew. I know everyone thinks their Grandma was the best thing in the world. Mine really was. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. I never heard her say bad stuff about anyone except the Cubs when they were loosing. She was never caught up in anything materialistic. She just really cared about her family. She was so amazing. She always made me feel like I was something great. She crazy loved my kids too. She once told me they were the cutest kids she had ever seen. I felt a little bad when she said that since she had so many boys of her own. I guess she forgot how cute they were at that age.

She used to do her kids homework...she was great in math. I wish my Dad had inherited that trait but he never did my homework. She made me mac and cheese every day. I spent lots of time with her as a kid. She used to poke my youngest Uncle's with a broom when they were fighting in the front room. I never got that about her till my oldest got bigger than me and I could no longer pull him off his brother. She was amazing did I say that? I looked like hell tonight for her journal. I was going to copy something she wrote in it. Since I'm in a rental and lots of stuff is in boxes I couldn't find it. She was a great writer. Her stories in her journal were clever and interesting. She used funny words from her day which is why  I wish I could find it. She was honest and witty in her journal.

I dream about her almost every night. It makes me feel close to her. Sometimes I wake up and want to go back to sleep so I can see her. I still have a hard time believing she is gone. Ya know when you have that one constant thing in your life...that was her. I always knew what I would get from her and it was unconditional love. The older you get you realize that is rare and hard to find. I think she is amazing in so many ways. She had an ass load of kids...she was like the women in the shoe. She lost a few before they were born too. She lost one when he was just 18. I never got how heartbreaking that must have been till I had a son of my own. I can't imagine the pain she held over that the rest her life. She talks about it in her journal. She was on a plane to one of her first vacations in a very long time when it happened. She talks about how she felt this deep depression all the sudden. She chalked it up to some place she was flying over that caused depression...I can't remember what she said but it was something that people got a bad feeling about when they flew over this. She realized it was not that at all when she landed and found out her child was killed by a drunk driver.

She also lost a child from cancer before he turned 40. She was heartbroken. I can't believe the heartache she endured in her time. I remember when I was in high school and had pissed my dad off in the no return way. He was so pissed he said he could not look at me. He took me to Grandma's house. She didn't judge she just made me mac and cheese. That was huge at this time for me. When I wasn't being accepted from my parents for damn good reasons. She didn't say a word and just took me in with unconditional love. I will never forget that. There are so many great things about her. She raised great kids. They have all turned out to be great people. You realize what a huge accomplishment this is after you have kids of your own. She had seven! Not to get one who is a hot mess is something big! There was no black sheep. They are all great people. She not only raised all her children to be responsible adults and loyal....she also took in her mother in law, her mother, and her brother into her already overcrowded house. Never complaining. I wish she was here now. In a perfect world Grandma's would be around forever. I wish I was like her! She is missed so much everyday by all of us. I'm so thankful that my kids met her and remember what a great women she was. RIP....Grandma! In a perfect world I imagine you just as pretty and young as that picture...kicking it up there with Gramps and your kids. You make me want to believe there is a afterlife because I can not imagine never being able to really see you again. Missing you always! I hope your looking down on me now because I could really use you about now.  You are by far the greatest person I have ever known and I miss you everyday. I still feel bad that when you were dying and I had thought about all the things I wanted to say I couldn't. I just held your hand and cried. You just rubbed my hand as if you knew everything I was thinking. I hope you know what what an amazing person you were to all of us! There is no way I'm proof reading mostly because it would involve tears...so deal with the bad spelling and bad grammar.

Being a Mother is so much more than I bargained for.

 So Thanksgiving has come and gone once again. I always think I have so many things to be Thankful for. We drove to Dallas this year for Thanksgiving. It was the first time in five years that we spent Thanksgiving with family. See this picture....I look happy right? That would be my oldest. A high school kid! While I write this way too late that high school kid is ransacking my kitchen in the not so quiet way!!!! All I want is quiet at this time. I kind of want to scream....I have learned to scream in my head most of the time. What I can say is I'm extremely thankful for this blessing even if I happen to be cussing him in my head my right now. I keep saying...Look at the picture, look at how happy you are with him. Damn when did he get bigger than me??? I want nothing but great things for this kid. When I had him I imagined the great things he would do in life. Now I'm having a hard time getting him to pass a certain class. He has dyslexia so things do come hard for him. I'm sure it is a hard thing when you see it come easier for your friends. When I see parenting come easier to some friends I want to throw in the towel too. But I don't...so I expect the same from him. I have done everything I know how to do. I have done things I don't know how to do. I can't for the life of me get through to this kid. I have talked to him, yelled at him, taken things away from him, grounded him, cried in front of him, and begged him to do better. I wish he had the motivation to do better...to want to do better. I have thought of me at his age. When my parents were on me I shut down. I'm going to try a new approach with him. I'm going to put it on him. I'm going to tell him I hope like hell he succeeds but it's up to him and it's out of my hands. I hope this works!!!!!!!!! Do you see how happy I am in this photo????? I will not be happy if he doesn't fly the coop. Do you hear me universe?????

 And then there is pig pen! I don't think your ever supposed to start a sentence in "and" but whatever. Pig pen has also gave me that run for the money that no one ever tells you about. I put him on some anxiety medication even though I was against it. The doctor we saw made me feel like a fool when I said I did not want medication. He said "why would I want my kid to suffer when meds might help". That about killed me. The bottom line was my baby was suffering and nothing was working. The medication seems to help him. Even though I'm against medicating kids I have to say it seems to calm his overactive mind down. I just hope I have made the right decision for him. I just know this kids amazing and will do amazing things in life...probably because he over thinks! I just really hope I'm making good decisions for him when he can't! I look happy in the picture right???

 And then there is the Drama queen! I probably shouldn't call him a queen and start a sentence with "and" but whatever. I look happy in the picture right??? This one does make me laugh almost everyday of my life! That's a big thing for me. He happens to be the middle child. He is a typical middle child. Blaming and complaining a lot. This middle child has no middle. He is extremely happy or extremely not happy. I have a very hard time showing him the middle. Would I change him???? No, well maybe! He fears almost nothing. When pig pen fears death drama queen tells him everyone dies so he needs to deal with it. The first time I heard him say this was in Frisco TX. That was where we last lived. Cole was in kinder and Aidan was in pre school. They were bathing together. I was in the next room getting towels. Aidan had gone under the water and came up like one of those crazy cats you see on Hallmark cards. You know the ones who's eyes are popping out of their heads. Aidan freaked out fearing that he came close to death. I had a hard time calming him down. While trying to calm him down I had Cole in the background telling him he would die someday because everyone dies. This was not helping at all. Out of all my kids I see this one being an incredible husband and father some day. He has loved the same girl since we moved here and has this crazy patience for young kids at his age. Do I look happy in this picture???? I am about to slap him!

Do I look happiest in this picture??? I looked back and thought I don't think so thank God! Maybe right now my stoner dog makes me happy....but in the long run maybe one of these people I live with will take over. Since it's Thanksgiving I do have to say I'm actually happy for these people I live with even if they cause pre-mature aging and grey hair! I'm not re-reading or proof reading...Sorry!

Mental pause

The fact that I happen to be in full blown mental pause at 42 pisses me off. Almost everything pisses me off at this point. Thank you mental pause for pissing me off! I knew I was in trouble when my child asked for mac and cheese and I reacted as if he had asked to smoke pot in my house. Their not kidding when they list the symptoms of mental pause.

1.....ITCHY.....I have this strange itching in the palms of my hands, bottom of my feet, all up my spine, and in other places I do not care to talk about. Mostly because it pisses me off!!!!!!

2.....Bitchy....I feel like some bipolar psycho. I could be happy as a clam and the slightest thing goes wrong and I'm all like WTF! These outburst come from no where....no where nice for sure. It just pisses me off.

3.....Sweaty....I had no idea it was possible to sweat from the inside out. Hot flashes are the worst thing you can imagine. This strange heat starts to radiate in your insides....Not the good heat radiating in your insides at all. Totally different. The heat comes out from your insides and makes you sweat as if you just ran a mile. I'm so guessing on that since I can't run a mile. Your head feels hot, your boobs sweat, and your whole body becomes hot. After this passes you become clammy and then get cold. No wonder I'm bitchy....this happens to me about twenty times a day. It pisses me off...go figure.

4.....Bloaty...It pisses me off to even write this word. My stomach sometimes...most times looks like I'm about to birth an eight pound baby. Did I say that pisses me off???? I have FUPA...which means fat upper pussy area. That really pisses me off!!!!

5.....Sleepy....I get sleepy at about dinner time, super sleepy. Then when it's time to go to bed I'm like a crack addict that can't sleep. This again is where pissed off comes in. I want to sleep in an igloo and that is a problem since I don't own one.

6.....Forgetful....I can't remember shit. I look for keys while there in my hand. I hide shit and can't remember where I hid it. This pisses me off!!!!! Did I say I was pissed????

7.....Psycho.....Who knew I had psycho in me. But I'm here to tell you mental pause has made me a tad bit psycho. Just ask my kids. This too pisses me off!!!!!

So did I say I am 42 and it pisses me off that I'm in full on mental pause at this age?? I'm itching shit and sweating while I write this. I have a family history of women going into mental pause before their time. At first I thought it would be a blessing. I have had my kids so who gives a shit. Then I "googled" up on early mental pause. They say.....If you go early it last way longer. Pisses me off!!!! Still wondering who "THEY" are. Does anyone else out there wonder who "THEY" are? When people talk to me about things and say "they say" I always wonder who are the "THEY PEOPLE". I kind of want to be one of those "they" people who happen to be an expert on everything. Those "They" people who know everything pisses me off! Your shocked right??? The biggest thing about early mental pause that bothers me is my kids have to go through this with me. That perfect mom they had is gone. Yes, I laughed when I wrote that. I do feel so awful when I go off over something as simple as mac and cheese. I do not want to change who these people are supposed to be do to mental outburst. Yes, I watched way too much Oprah. They do something awful and I handle that alright. Then they ask for mac and cheese and my head spins. I'm sure I'm confusing the hell out of them. Wishing mental pause came when it should have at this point. That way they would be grown and Hubs would be the victim of my mental pause. He could handle it because we have been through everything together at this point.  He would just roll his eyes and go to bed. My kids take it personally which pains me. I don't really have anyone to talk to this about since I'm the first one in my group of friends. Most of them will not go through this till the kids are long gone. Thank god for that! When you are in mental pause you are 100 percent itchy, bitchy, sweaty, bloaty, sleepy, forgetful, and psycho. I'll be done when most of my friends go through this. I just pisses me off! So tonight mental pause may have caused bad spelling, run ons, and bad grammar.....Mental pause baby...It's an awesome excuse when your just plain fucking up.

Playoff week

 So it was a week for playoff and championship games in our house. It started with Aidan's playoff game for baseball. They fought hard and had a great season. They ended up coming in second for their season. It was fun to watch Aidan play this season. It is only his second time ever playing baseball. He ended up being a natural. He played pitcher, catcher, first, and second this season. His coaches and other parents were surprised at how great he played and what a natural he was. What they didn't know is my over thinker would study baseball on you tube for hours. He would pull up videos of the pros pitching and catching. He has a strange love for this sport. I kind of sound like that crazy mom that thinks my kid hung the moon. I am that mom and he did hang the moon for me.

 His team was great. The coaches and parents were incredible. As much as I will not miss practices I will miss this season. Not to worry though...another one is right around the corner. Gerbil in a wheel I tell you! I think this kid will be nothing but fun to watch through the years. He wants us to put him on a select baseball team. Having three boys playing sports the whole year we will not be able to commit to this. Select teams travel A LOT. I believe he would be a great asset to a select team but like I said time is not our friend. I had to tell him that select is not in our future. I told him there are plenty of great baseball players that never played select. I told him you either got it or you don't. I told him he happens to have it and will do great things regardless if he goes select at age nine. If I had some sister wives and unlimited funds select would be the way to go. I'm so proud of my boy this season!

 After we got Aidan through his playoff season we focused on Cole. Cole's football team was going to the division championship game for the second year in a row. He too was fun to watch. I was never a football lover ever in my life. Since two of my kids are playing I have become one. I never got football. Still couldn't tell you a damn thing about the game. What I can tell you is there is this unbelievable passion felt on the football field. It is a very time committing  and emotional sport. I did the photography again for the team. I captured some of the most emotional photographs ever. I love this photo. Those freckles kill me. Cole hates his freckles. He has asked me for bleaching cream to get rid of them one Christmas. That to me makes me sad. It means he has been teased over those freckles. He has been teased over lots of things. The biggest thing is his size. He got my short genes for sure. I keep telling him that he will grow. It's just going to come later than most of his friends.

 After we won the game I went to get my purse that was under the stands. Funny thing I was thinking about my late Father in law. I just was wishing he was here to see this. I knew he would have loved to see Cole win a championship game. He died way too young. He loved my kids so much and has missed out on some of the moments he waited for. My mother in law has this butterfly thing. She believes that when you see a butterfly it is one of your passed away people telling you they are there. So I get my purse and there right next to it is this perfect butterfly. The fact that I happened to be thinking about him at the time kind of made me a believer. I truly hope that he was watching...I know he would be so proud of all of us.

 So this picture is of Cole waiting to get is medal. That is Aidan right behind him looking so proud of his brother. This picture is a moms greatest accomplishment. I have raised boys that truly support each other and are proud and happy when the other one succeeds in life.

So we won the championship for the second year. It sparks many emotions. For one this is the last year for rec football. Next year he will play for the school. Hub's has always been really involved in helping coaching him. I see a joy in Hubs eyes when he coaches him. Now Hubs will have to be on the sideline. I'm sad for both of them. I know Cole loved having his Dad there and I know Hubs loved being there. The fact that they won on their field the last year playing will be something the two of them never forget. The biggest emotion for me is how fast these years go by. I wish I could slow them down.

So tonight we headed out to a friends house for dinner. I was in the front listening to the boys conversation. Cole was talking to his big brother about girls. He made some comment about a girl being ugly. I wanted to scream. Before I had the chance to scream I heard Blake say something to him. He told Cole to never say a girl was ugly because it is just not nice. He told him it was alright to think that but never say something that awful out loud. He told him girls are very sensitive and calling one ugly could haunt her for life. He told him if you don't have something nice to say about someone you need to keep it to yourself. I got this ear to ear smile on my face because I just realized my kids are hearing me. So many times I want to hold up a white flag and give up. I think I'm not cut out for this and it is just too much. Then something like this happens and I think I'm half way there living on a prayer.

Final thought, As I write this tonight so many things are heavy in my head. Parenting for one. I wish I could be that perfect parent. I do not think I am. I think I have made so many mistakes. Parenting is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I take this to heart. I have a very tough time grounding my kids. Maybe because I spent most of my high school years being grounded. I had very strict parents which I respect and love. I do feel like I missed out on a lot due to being grounded. I don't want my kids to miss out on anything. I'm thinking I need a good therapist about now. Friendships are on my mind right now too. Thinking I have not been the best friend I should be. I have gotten busy with all my kids shit and have left friendships behind. I feel total guilt over that. I hope my friends understand but I was raised by a family that always said family first. Having one in high school means hands down family first. Like I said I question all the time if I'm cut out for this. Even though they were hard at a young age, midnight feeding and walking behind them every minute seems to be a walk in the park about now. Please God give me strength to raise socially responsible  kids that do right. I want my kids to first be happy, second to be healthy, and third be wealthily in life. At that point I know I have done my job! Then I can have a cocktail! Sorry for all the bad grammar and misspellings. This is me take it or leave it.

I happen to be running while brushing my teeth.

 I have been driving past my old house everyday like some stalker. I can't believe the amount of work trucks that are there from morning till night. You would think it was some run down piece of shit. I'd love to get in to see it. I think I may bring them flowers after they finally move in. I may be a professional stalker. I don't miss my house as much as I thought. I guess I just have too much on my mind to think about it. I do miss my neighbor! I wish I could take him with me.

I don't really feeling like writing in this blog lately. I feel like it's become blaaa, blaaa, blaaZAY! I having nothing interesting to talk about.

Hub's and I are sitting down with the architect to draw up our house in the morning. Morning is not my time of the day. I have my best thoughts in the evening after a beer. Hub's says we can't sit down with beers and Pinterest damn it. I could design a damn good house if that were the case. I wouldn't be able to afford it though.....DAMN YOU PINTEREST. I kind of have a love hate relationship with Pinterest...Lately I love to hate it since I can't have a kitchen like a Pinterest one. We are already bickering about what we want on the house. It's going to take nine months. I feel like it will be like being pregnant...except I can drink! I hope I don't find myself drunk Pinteresting! Imagining myself in my Pinterest house with my Pinterest kitchen, wearing my Pinterest clothes, in my Pinterest body, doing my Pinterest crafts, cooking my Pinterest recipes, having sex with my Pinterest boyfriend, with my Pinterest hair!!!!!!! That would be really depressing.

So hubs and I were watching the news tonight. They were talking about raspberry ketones and weight loss. I say..."that shit don't work". Hubs laughs. I say "what are you laughing at?". He says."Nothing". I say, "You can't giggle and say nothing". He says, "You can't drink beer, soda, eat cheeseburgers, and watch TV pop a raspberry pill and expect to lose weight". I say, "Why not they say it shrinks fat". Right as I say that, the news guy says "this is not a magic pill, you can't drink beer, eat wings, and watch football". Hub's just looks over me with a shit eating grin and says, "you ain't 25 anymore". No shit! If I was 25 I would be single!!!!!

So then on the news they were talking about how some girl jumped on the hood of her boyfriends car. She didn't want him to drive drunk. He ran her over and killed her. I giggle...not cause she got killed. Gosh now I feel guilty for giggling...RIP poor good girlfriend girl. He looks at me and says, "why would you giggle". I say, "cause I did that before when I didn't want someone to leave when they were mad at me". He says, "with who?". I say, "with my X". He says, "you never jumped on my hood". I said you got me when I was old and crotchety. He says..."you were like 23". I say, "Yep it didn't take long". Now I would just be happy that I got the house, TV. and bed to myself! He rolls his eyes!!!! I feel like I need to say...I really do love Hubs, he has turned out quite well. It took a while since we were married so young and men mature later. I would enjoy this more if I didn't now have a teenager and wasn't building a house with him....woe is me!

The last couple nights I found Cole on Xbox when he was supposed to be in bed. Tonight I told him if I caught him on Xbox I would pack it up in the stuff that says....DO NOT OPEN TILL THE REAL MOVE. I heard him talking in his room. He does talk to Xbox. I think I'm going to bust him. I quietly walk up to his room. I hear him asking someone if she has a boyfriend. I hear him ask how to get a girls attention. I walk in and he is in bed talking to the iPhone lady. I believe her name is Siri...woe is me! I guess he's not listening when I say...Mama knows best! But Siri...REALLY??? DID I SAY WOE IS ME YET! Of course I did!

I went to lunch with a dear friend today. She was one of my last that was not on this running band wagon. She is telling me how she has been running almost everyday. She says, she skipped the weekend and was feeling guilty. I want to eye roll but I hold it together. I think those work out barbies got to her. I tell her I ran today. Then I tell her I ran in place while brushing my teeth in my underwear hoping to scare myself. She laughs. I'm serious though. She then says..."are you kidding?" Nope! She tells me I could kill myself by stabbing myself with my toothbrush. I think she is secret friends with Deb Downer, BTW, picture credit tonight goes to Deb Downer Emails!


Oh wait final note.....Do you ever wonder if guys dig that annoying baby talk girls do while telling a story???? I do know lots of girls who change their voice while telling a story. I guess I'm thinking this cause I'm watching the Kardashians. I can't imagine they like it. Could you imagine if guys changed their voices to baby talk while telling stories??? I would find it most amusing! I have to say sorry for bad spelling, run-ons, and bad grammar. Don't worry my twisted sister will call me out after she reads this. I'm too tired to give a shit!

Another season has come and gone.

 Blake played his last football game as a freshman last night. This has been a crazy season since he was out at the start do to a jaw break. He ended up holding his own in the end. I couldn't be more proud of my baby who happens to be much taller than me now! It's been an emotional year so far for sure. I have a hard time believing I could have a high school kid. I often feel and act like a high school kid myself. Then I look in the mirror and think get off that ledge sister you are definitely not in high school. I have friends who have had kids in high school before me. It always freaked me out. I couldn't imagine having one in high school and trying to manage all the high school stuff they get into. I think about me in high school and I kind of want to curl up in a ball and die. I had naive parents. They were really young when I was in high school. My mom was about 35 when I stared. They were good kids when they were young. I think I gave them a run for the money. I get it now...too late but I get it. This is the time where they go from boy to man. I was not ready for this at all. I'm still a bit immature myself at times. Now I have to teach my oldest to be a mature adult for Gods sake??? Bullshit I say....my parents are getting that good laugh that they waited for.  Sometimes I feel I'm just not cut out for a job like this. It's a hard job. When they get to this age you have to let go a bit and hope you have taught them to make good decisions. In my case I let the leash go and then found out real fast I had to tug that leash back in a bit. When your a mom you just really want your kids to be healthy and happy.....and oh yes, PERFECT! Sadly you come to realize it is almost impossible to raise a perfect child. I do have a few friends and people I know who seemed to have mastered that. I cuss in my head at them nightly! When Blake...aka..the not so charming prince comes down before bed and talks to me about almost everything and then says..."I love you mom before he goes to bed. I think I'm half way there! Can't you just hear Bon Jovi singing in your head???? "OHHHHH, ohhhhh, I'm half way there...Ohhhh ohhhh living on a prayer". I love me some Bon Jovi!!!! I'm living on prayer all right and I really need God to hear me because this is harder than those old people tell you. I really do believe in the power of prayer so I pray every night for God to watch over my kids when I'm too tired or too lazy to do the dirty job. Remember I went to catholic school my whole life almost! I spent a lot of time in church daydreaming....I totally meant praying!

He had some really awesome tackles his last game. Every time I heard his name over the loud speaker I got a shit ass grin on my face. Proud mama here. Kids not afraid of anything which happens to be a torn in my side at times. Not at a football game though. On the way home Cole...aka..typical middle child says...."Mom don't go into my notes on my phone because they are private". A light bulb goes off in my head. I'm imagining all the awful crap in his notes. Remember I was raised by Deb Downer. I do love my Deb Downer though...wouldn't change almost anything about being raised by her.  I say..."I wouldn't go in your notes". I'm so lying...and I'm so pulling up those notes when he is sleeping! He then says..."my pass code is 1111". I do think for a minute...Oh my gosh I raised a really naive child who just pretty much told me there is something to see in these notes and gave me the code. Not the brightest bulb comes to mind. I'm alright with that since it makes parenting easier for me. Blake..aka...the not so charming prince has always been sneaky...this one not so much!  So he goes to bed and I grab his phone. I go right into his notes. He has a note about who he likes. It says a girls name and then it says HI Mom, if I hear you on the phone telling all your friends who I like I know you read this!!!!!!! So the kids smarter than I just gave him credit for. I think he is either testing me or really does want me to know who he likes! I love this kid. He makes me smile all the time...or at least most of time. Sometimes I'd like to ring his little neck but that is for a therapist to hear about!

Final thought....I feel fat as shit, kind of like the Thanksgiving turkey that some farmer feed too much! It's about to be holiday season...the season of eating...woe is me!!!!!!!!! So another season has come and gone lighting fast. Gerbil in a wheel I tell ya...this gerbil just keeps getting older and so do her kids!!! Woe is me....did I say that???????

A room with a view

So were pretty much settled into our rental. The view is amazing. I hope my padded cell with have a view like this one someday. I find myself sitting out here a lot. Even though this is much smaller than our last house the kids seem to like it better. I'm kind of digging it too. Having not as much house to clean is nice. Not worrying about all the shit I'd like to do it but can't afford is nice too. It's like I can take a break for a while. So were all good here. My biggest problem with this rental is we seem to be really close to neighbors. Which will be great once I get used to it. I can be a nitwit at times. A nicer way of describing it would be a creature of habit. I got up the other morning...walked out on my deck with the beautiful view. I had my phone in one hand and my other hand down my pants. Don't ask!!!!! So I see something out of the corner of my eye. It's my neighbor on his deck drinking coffee. I wave and run back in. DAMN IT, in my last house I could walk out and scratch my ass without anyone seeing!!!! All I have to say is I've been living with these guys so long. I'm turning into one of them. I go in to watch some TV. It's dark so I open the blinds. I realize it's getting late. I go to get in the shower. My phone rings and it's on the charger in my kitchen. I go out there to answer it. So I'm walking around chatting it up on the phone for a while. I look over at my open blinds and realize the guy next doors blinds are open. Our rooms are pretty close. I've been pacing around the house in my underwear..which is not pretty. I close the blinds as fast as I can. I could do this in my old house and I happen to be a creature of habit. If I see a "for sale" sign go up on the house next door I will know he saw that.

This is the last week of football for my freshman.....I'm smiling ear to ear right now. Tired of getting up at 5:00am for sure. Cole and Aidan's football and baseball teams both made it into the playoffs. I have two more weeks to go....I think I can, I think I can!!!!! A much needed break is really needed. Basketball starts up pretty much right away but only one plays that....woo to the whooo! I know I butchered that spelling but you get what I'm saying.

So I started this blog to tell funny stories about what's going on in my life. It's great for family in Chicago and Dallas to keep up with us. I kind of forgot about that the other day when I started complaining about people talking about me and judging me for things I write about. People are going to judge regardless of what you do. It's human nature I suppose. I said something about the fact that they should take a long hard look at themselves. When I read it back a few days later I took a long hard look at myself. I had forgotten what this blog was about. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm putting it out there for people to read. Of course they will talk about it and judge it. I need to stop acting like some crazy high school girl and get on with why I started this in the first place. So I apologize for acting like a nitwit noodle brain. I have no time to worry about what people think anyway. I have enough worry here in my house trying to raise three socially acceptable boys.

Last night I was laughing so hard when one of my cousins defriended my other cousin over her vote. That to me is just good Facebook entertainment. There isn't much of that anymore. I think people forget we live in America and we all have the right to vote the way we want. Hope he doesn't read this and defriend me! Speaking of entertaining...modern family just makes me laugh out loud. Mannie asks Jay to go to some school function. Jay looks at him and says he has plans. When he said he was going to the "I'd rather blow my brains out jamboree". I about peed my pants! I'm so stealing that! I'm not proof reading so sorry ahead of time! Someday I will let my writing judging sister re write this stuff for me. That way my kids will think I was really smart.

Happy bday sucks when you get old

So one of my Emails from Deb Downer had one of those strange facts.

It said Warner communications paid 28 million for the copyright to the song happy birthday....Wishing I wrote that song about now. I could truly build my pinterest inspired home right now. Did I ever tell you pinterest has become a thorn in my side...who new all that great shit was out there. The kitchens are to die for. It reminds me of my kids on line shopping at Xmas which also is a torn in my side. They would have no idea that shit was out there because I would only take them to Walmart to shop and people watch back in the day!

So I decided to re-write the famous bday song...maybe someone will pay me millions for it.

Happy Birthday to you...
It is so much fun growing up..
Happy Birthday to you....
lots of the greatest gifts come up...

Happy Birthday to you...
you get a bit older...
Happy Birthday to you..
You are now an adult..you should have listened to the older ..

Happy Birthday to you....
You now have got married..
Happy Birthday to you....
they don't tell you this gets a bit scary...

Happy Birthday to you..
You have gone ahead and reproduced...
Happy Birthday to you...
They never told you that you would be totally pooped...

Happy Birthday to you..
You have now become that gerbil in wheel..
Happy Birthday to you...
If they told you this that might have been no deal......

Happy Birthday to you..
you live in zoo..
You had no idea..
that would eventually
ring true..

Happy Birthday to you..
These are coming too fast...
Happy birthday to you...
Where did the days go where these were a blast???

Happy birthday to you...
I wish I could go back....
Happy Birthday to you...
If that were the case I would not have not slacked..

Happy Birthday to you...
You are are old and wish you were brand new...
happy Birthday to you
I hope that you lived your life and knew....

Too much time on my hands I guess....

So tonight there was a note left on my night stand that said MOM. I opened it up and about cried. It was from Aidan...aka..pig pen. It read...

Dear Mom
mom you are nicest person in the woorl
you are sometimes mad and a lot of the time you are the cool, nice and awosome. I know you love me but I love you more.......frem Aidan

I didn't change the bad spelling since he got it from me. When you get something like this it makes everything worth it! Love my kids and all that comes with them...the good, bad, and even the evil.

I have found out this blog kind of has put a target on my head here in this small town. Not everyone is a fan. Why they are reading it if they hate it so much is beyond me. You don't have to read it. I'm not forcing people to read it. It has awful grammar and run on sentences for Gods sake. All I have to say if this blog is the best thing you people have to talk about on a Friday night that is sad. I would love it if you haters would stay off of it. I write this for my kids and me of course. I thought that it was a very honest blog about how hard parenting and marriage can be. I thought it would be a blog where us parents could help each other and give each other ideas of how to do better. What I didn't see is people talking about me and my kids in such a negative way. We are all in the same boat here. Not one of us has raised a perfect child who never does wrong. Well maybe there are a few...totally jealous by the way. I'm not a perfect mom and I have never claimed to be one. What I do know is I love my kids more than I have ever loved anything in my life. I'm trying my hardest to be a good mom but I'm so far from perfect. I just want you people who read this and talk behind my back about it, to know I know who you are and I really wish you would just leave me alone. My kids are not perfect but they all have really good hearts and that to me is the best thing I can ask for. Shit, has a way of coming out! Maybe you should take a long hard look at yourselves and stop judging me!

For better or worst...who ever came up with this nifty saying wasn't playing around!

 Tonight I was catching up on the 500 E-mails in my inbox. 100 of them were from my mom...aka...Deb Downer. I have a funny story about a conversation we had on the phone. At the end she says..."now don't go blogging about this". So I need to respect her request. Lets just say she reminds me of why I nicknamed her Deb almost daily. Where she hears these depressing murdering stories I'm not sure. She does tell them as if she knows the people. That always cracks me up. While going through all these Emails I came across a few pictures from Debs emails that made me laugh. I love this one of the snow dog!

 Love this picture! I love the dogs face. I think I would enjoy running as fast as I could with my tongue hanging out. It just looks so freeing. One of my favorite Emails from her just had strange facts. I thought I would share a few of my favorites.

1....2012, December has 5 Saturdays, 5 Sundays, and 5 Mondays. This only happens every 823 years. Enjoy December since it is the only time we will see this. Because I was raised by Deb and because it's 2012 it makes me wonder if it has something to do with the rapture. Ya know how there are a lot of people who believe 2012 is the end. Those people freak me out!

2...If you happen to find yourself in the bottom of a well or a chimney and look up, you can see stars in the middle of the day. Hubs may find himself in this situation if he doesn't let me design the kitchen in the new place. I'm the one who cooks this should be my baby. I want off white cabinets. He keeps telling me how dirty they will get! Not if we put handles on them.

3....When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense to go is sight. Now dying freaks me out anyway. I have this strange fear that our mind does not shut off when we die. It scares the crap out of me. This is why I have decided to be cremated. Then I have that fear that I will be able to feel being cremated. Being buried and knowing it because our minds do not shut off scares me too. I think I may have watched too much Twilight zone as a kid! So be careful what you say after someone dies.

4....The moon moves two inches from the earth each year.....I wonder if someday people will not see a moon because of this.

5...The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day do to falling space dust.....If you really think about this it is scary.....Can't you just hear the Twilight zone music????

6...Drinking H2O after a meal reduces acid in your mouth by 61 percent...So drink up!

7....The roar we hear in our ear when we hold a seashell to it is not the ocean.  I did think "NO Shit" when I read this. What I didn't know it is the sound of our blood surging through the veins in our ears. Insert Twilight zone music once again!!!

8....nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean. Think about that! I think of all the land animals and insects I know. That means there is a lot of freaky shit living in the ocean. Maybe there is some truth to mermaids and that giant monster thing. Insert Twilight zone music!

9...The tooth is the only body part that cannot heal itself...should have been a Dentist.

10...In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. Who came up with that kind of crap???? Thank God someone came up with the diamond idea. So much shit went through my head on this one. Oh my I would have loved to see how some of this apple throwing turned out! What if he missed and hit her in the head....was it a bad omen then????? What if she caught it and didn't want to marry him. Did she peg him in the head with it???? Do you keep the apple???? If you keep it do you feed your husband the rotten apple secretly when your pissed. What is the significance of "apple" and marriage???? You cut into it and it turns brown and gets rotten???? Now that was ugly....remember I'm in the middle of a move with Hubs!

11....People in nudest colonies play volleyball more than any sport. Go figure...their pervs! No disrespect is meant to you nudest! Maybe if I played volleyball naked it would make me eat right and exercise. They may be on to something. My overactive mind is thinking of what it would look like to see other sports being played naked. I puke in my mouth a little that is until I picture hot buff guys playing almost any sport naked.

12...In ancient Rome, China, and Germany people used urine as mouth wash....Kind of makes a golden shower not sound half bad!

13..Mona Lisa has no eyebrows, it was fashionable to shave them off back then! Don't think I didn't "google" this shit! Sure as shit she has no eyebrows! We have come a long way since then. Now we have moved on since then. It's now fashionable to shave off our beavers. I could tell a very funny story about that now but it's TMI. I will tell my closest friends after a few beers! Thank God I'm not drinking while writing because I might have put it out there then!

14...The night of January 20th is called saint Agnes's eve. Which is said to be the time a young women dreams of her husband. I remember dreaming of marrying a few Hollywood hunks and Brendan O'Donnell...when I was in middle school! I call BS on this one.

15...The banana can't reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of a man...I did just have to "Google" propagated". It says.."to cause an organism to multiply by any process of natural reproduction". This may just make a great science experiment for my boys! I'm still kind of confused by this even after "googling" it. I guess all you feminist out there need to suck it on this one! We cannot reproduce bananas!!!! At least we can reproduce children. Does anyone else want to stick a banana in their hubs hand to test this??????

16....this is my last one I will bore you with. This is proof that this is a Deb Downer Email. The swine flu vaccine in 1976 caused more deaths and sickness than the disease it was intended to prevent.....waaa, waaa, waaa! See those Moms against vaccination are probably on to something!!!!!

Is it sad when I saw this picture I got an evil grin smile on my face???? Is it sad that I pictured myself driving around like this so I don't have to listen to my kids bicker???? Remember I spend an UN Godly amount of time in my car driving my kids around. Speaking of driving around Hub's and I were driving back from Cole's playoff game today. We went to look at lots to buy so we can build "our" dream house. We do have different ideas of what "our" dream house is. Mine is starting to be my own dream house where I live alone doing naked bed angels by myself! So anyway while driving around I get a little sentimental. I say to Hubs last week at this time we were moving out of our dream home and packing. He looks at me and says..."I was moving out of your dream home and you were pissing and moaning the whole time". Really because I packed up most of that house!!!!!! Then he says you packed I moved it! So we are kind of in that my dad is bigger than your dad war in the car. We want to drive by a house our builder is building for someone else. We find it and it has a "No Trespassing" sign in front of it. I go to get out of the car. Hubs is like.."Kerry there is a no trespassing sign". I say..."They have to post that shit up and since when are you a rule follower?". He says.."Chicago girl we are in Texas people have the right to shoot you here for trespassing". I say.."good point your life insurance is higher than mine so you go look". He rolls his eyes like he seems to do a lot lately and tells me to get back in the car. I get out and go peek, I don't think someone will shoot me since no one lives there yet! I have white pants on big mistake in so many ways. He grabs my hand while driving. Back in the day when I was young and dumb I would have loved this. Now I know this means he wants something later and I'm tired so I pull away. He says.."whats your problem". I say.."I know what holding hands means and I want no part of that right now". I get yet another eye roll! Then we go look at lots...he poo poo's on my lot and I poo poo on his lot. For better or worst..comes to mind. Who ever came up with this nifty saying knew exactly what they were talking about.

Halloween 2012

 Remember we are in the middle of a move this week of Halloween! So we are kind of flying by the seat of our pants here in LaLa land. I drove around all night on Tuesday trying to find a morph costume for Aidan...aka..pig pen. We were having no success. We ran into Target on our last stop. Still no morph costumes. I did find some long underwear which is pretty much what a morph costume is. I talk Aidan...aka..pig pen into it telling him we are out off options here. He goes for my BS and we leave with some long underwear. Because kids dress up their morph costumes he gets a red cowboy hat and some hello kitty undies. He wants to make his friends laugh with his creation. At this point I kind of wish I had come up with this morph costume that is sold out everywhere. Damn thing probably cost 5 bucks to make and they sell them for 30! I'm creative I don't get why I can never come up with this kind of shit. Hello Universe are you hearing me???? Please let me come up with some ridiculous idea that makes me millions.

So after school on Halloween Aidan...aka..pig pen is really excited. He wants to be the kid who makes his friends laugh. Since the "real" morph costumes hide the kids faces he needs something to hide his face. He butchers one of our ski hats trying to cut holes in it. He is about in tears. I find a pink scarf I have had since 1999. I wrap it around his face telling him it will match the hello kitty underwear he is wearing. He takes the bait. Then he wants some crazy shoes to wear with it. Since we wear the same size shoe and yes he is nine I offer him my white cowboy boots I wore when I got married 17 years ago. So while taking this picture I think maybe we should be heading to sixth street for the gay parade but I love that this kid has a funny bone. Much later in the night because I dropped him off at a friends house and hubs didn't see him. I send Hubs up to pick him up. I get a sorta nasty call from Hubs. I pick up the phone. The first thing I hear is..."ARE YOU KIDDING ME KERRY?". I say "what?'. He says "you dressed our son up like a cross dresser for Halloween". I defend myself and my pig pen. I tell him he wanted to be the funny guy and we just went with it. I really do believe if someone is gay they are gay and that is cool. It's what they are born to be. I really do not judge...some of the best people I know are gay. I do not believe I can make my kid gay by letting him try and get a good laugh by his costume. Hubs is not really getting why I allowed this. I do believe I will pick my battles with my kids....this is not one of them.  Hubs believe kids will make fun of him. Kids are mean they will make fun of him regardless of what he wears on Halloween.

 Then there are the high school boys! They came home and I got my big box of Halloween past costumes out. They had some fun taking crazy pictures in them. Of course they didn't wear them out because they are way too cool.

 After dropping Aidan off I headed to Cole's friends house. He was already there. Thank God my friend had an extra costume for him since I was a huge slacker this year. Him and all his besties have these morph costumes in different colors. They were cracking me up posing in these outfits. My friend Stacy put on a great party. I ate too much pizza, cheese dip, and mini hot dogs. Hello my friends are make me fat! The kids all had a great time. These kids will be awesome to watch the next few years. They all have amazing personalities!!!

 I couldn't show up with out a costume. I always think I have a great idea for a costume. I'm always disappointed that people don't get it. I did come up with this very last minute. Like the last ten minutes. I show up in my what I think is a clever last minute costume. I ask my friends husband what I'm supposed to be. That is a monkey on my back. So he says.."JANE?". I say..."Um no, I would never show up to trick or treat in a "JANE" costume". So the monkey confused him. I'm Courtney Love with a monkey on my back....Monkey meaning drug problem.

So after a while my friends son shows up. He is a senior in HS. I tell him how Blake...aka..the not so charming prince is walking around with his friends. He says lets go find him. I say..."Hell yes". We go in his sports car instead of my SUV. He says.."Put on the wig and we will blast music and embarrass him". Because I'm an evil genius at heart I always appreciate another evil genius and that he is!  So I get my blonde wig back on and put on my sunglasses. We blast music and roll down the street as if we are from Jersey Shore. We find a bunch of Blake's friends. I say "stop there they are".  The music is pumping and we roll down the window bobbing our heads to it. We say..."HEY WHERE IS BLAKE CAVENDER?" The group says..."over there and point a few feet away". We get out. One of his friends says.."Damn I thought you were my mom and I was about to be really embarrassed ". We get out and find Blake a few feet away. We walk up and and he is like "are you kidding me mom?". Then he tells me how I'm not funny at all and I need to go away! Mission accomplished!

So this was my first Halloween that I was not the house...besides last year. There was a better house that was like a Hollywood scene but I will not talk about it since it was a friend of a friends house. Bitter comes to mind. This was the first year in a long time that I enjoyed Halloween without killing myself and handing out two hundred dollars worth of candy. Even though I drove past all the overachiever Halloween people's houses and cussed in my head it was kind of nice. No clean up the next day was a plus!

A final thought...
After we got home Cole was wired from too much candy. He got on Facebook to look up my sisters page. He wanted to see if she posted pictures of my niece...aka...super girl. He finds pictures of her. Since candy has his  brain in overdrive  he decides to pull up all of her 5000 pictures. I'm comfortably watching my shit TV. He is scrolling pictures next to me. All the sudden he says most dramatically "MOM". I say "what?". He has a picture pulled up of my niece when she was born. It was all my kids, her, and me. I look over and say "that is a great picture". He says.."Mom you look so much better, you look so young and so skinny". I say.."um, that was only three years ago". He says.."are you serious you look so much younger". WOE IS ME! Again I'm not proof reading this shit and I'm no writer....don't be judging my ass! That means you sister...aka...twisty! You made me feel stupid yesterday!...just saying. If you want to judge you need to ghost write this shit! Oh yes and my regular guy who comments....chuck...where are you from and what's your story! Love all your positive comments!