Put your torch out...you must now leave the island.

 So it's been a crazy week. I have been without Internet or TV for the last three days. It about killed me! No dancing with the stars...really???? I headed back to my house tonight to get the final car full of useless crap. The last few days it has been the equivalent to the clown car at the circus. Just when you think there is no way they have another clown in the car out pops ten more. The difference is just when I thought everything was out,  there was ten more carloads full. Full of crap that I don't know why I'm keeping. Disney movies on VHS...should have tossed those. I spent good money on those five hundred years ago though. My kids baby clothes and toys...should have tossed them too. I will have grand kids some day I hope in a far, far, away land. They will love this stuff....NOT! I have a hard time parting with stuff for some reason. I blame my Mom...aka...Debbie Downer who happens to be mourning my house more than me. This has made me second guess everything! She puts crap in my head I would have never thought about if it wasn't for her. She keeps pointing out all the great things about this house that I no longer own at 11am sharp tomorrow.

I do remember not wanting to move to Austin in 2007. I crazy loved my house and my neighbors in Frisco. I never thought I could be as happy as I was there. Hubs moved to Austin four months before we did. I came out a few weekends to home search. I found this house on line. It was a little more than we wanted to spend. When I walked into the kitchen I yelled this is it...I can totally live here. I loved this house more than any house we had ever been in. It was just beautiful. It was my dream house for sure. The rooms were great, space was never a problem. The kitchen, the family room, and the view was to die for. We had a ton of guest here....and so many great memories here.  This was the 3rd house we owned since we married. With each house came an upgrade in size and price. This size was great but really did suck ass to clean.....just trying to make myself feel better!!

 So I wanted some time by myself in the this house before I had to go. I loaded up my car with a cooler of two beers. I wanted to load the last of it and have two beers and morn it. By myself because no one seems to be morning this house except the dog, my mom, and me. I took pictures of it. The maids came today and it looks awesome. You would never know I was raising three boys here. The house reminds me. It's been ridden hard and put away wet but cleans up alright. I took a picture of this stone wall in the entry way. I always loved this stone wall. I had it put in after we bought it. Every time I walked in this house I appreciated this stone wall. Hubs is happy because we sold it and got out with our down payment. What we did not get out with was all the extra money we dumped into it to make it our home. Rock walls, wood floors, landscaping, veggie garden, drapes, shutters, and so on. I feel we did not get out of it what we should have. The market dropped after we bought it so I guess I should be glad we got our down payment out of it.

 My neighbor came over tonight. He was a great neighbor. He had tears in his eyes. He told me that in all the years he had never had neighbors better than us and he was sad we were leaving. He told me how he loved our kids and hated to see us go. I hate that we are leaving him too. He would show up at our door sometimes and just want to hang out and shoot the shit. I loved that and he knew he could do that anytime of the week. He is one of the people I will crazy miss. We had a bad neighbor on the other side that happened to move two weeks ago. The new people are super nice. Go figure! When we first put our house on the market it was to see if it would sell so we could get away from crazy. We had no idea that he would ever leave since his house had been on the market three years. Who knew he would drop his price when we put ours on the market. Woe is me!

 I walked around my house remembering all the great things. Mourning everything about this house.  It feels to me like I just moved here. But time has gone lighting fast for sure. We have had great parties here. I turned 40 here.....hubs turned 40 here. We will not talk about that..those hangovers still haunt me.  We had a child turn from a child into a man here. His voice still stops me in my tracks when I call him. We have had so many great times here and a few bad...homework time rings a bell.

 I think of everything this house meant to me. We entertained family, old friends, and new ones in this house. I lost my grandma while in this house the memory of that day is one I will never forget. Since that happened on Thanksgiving. I got good news and bad news in this home. I had great times and bad times in this home. I remember the first time my teenager did a teenager thing. I called my mom in tears hoping she could help me through this. Aidan was worried about hawks taking him away in this house. Before we moved here he had never seem those giant birds that eat the road kill on the side of the road. Remember he is my over thinker.  The memories are flooding my head. I asked the kids earlier  if they will miss the house. Not so much they do not seem to be as attached as me. Aidan actually said when we got in the rental that these will be his happiest days since he is right next to hubs and I in his bedroom.

I hand painted these walls which are way more pretty in person. I rarely say never. I have learned the hard way to never say never. But I can say with confidence I will NEVER take on a paint job like this again. It was awful but because I started it I had to finish it. It makes me sad that they will be re painting the whole house! They have no idea the sweat, tears, and cuss words that went into this room!!!! When I first started the room looked like someone puked in it. I finally got it right after many re do's.

The kitchen was one of my favorite rooms. I had never had a big kitchen before. I love to cook. I hand did the walls in here with a texture and three coats of glazes. Did I say it was big????? When you texture it is like frosting a cake! It was a bitch to frost an entire kitchen, breakfast area, and hallway as if it was a cake. I always have had these great big ideas that seem great in my head. When I tackle them they never turn out the way I imagined them in my head. Lots and lots of cussing went into this kitchen.  So here I found myself in my house sitting Indian style on the floor of the very empty house. Drinking my final two beers. Crying thinking of all the great memories here. I stop to use the potty thinking this is the last time I will pee in this house..sniff, sniff. I go back out sit down drink some more and think about how beautiful this house was at Christmas time. It was a perfect Christmas house for decorating. Because neither of our families live here we never got to have a Christmas party here. I think about all the great conversations I had on my back porch with friends. We really did think we were solving the worlds problems. I think about my friend who projectile vomited on my back porch the weekend we moved in.  Whole other blog but some things are truly meant for the vault. I do have a filter even though hubs disagrees. Then I have to pee again...thinking alright this is my last pee in this house. I sit back down again. Thinking about how cute my kids were when we moved here. I miss those times. I almost wish I could rewind to enjoy them more. I didn't realize how fast they would go. I also wish I could rewind to the weight I was when I moved in here. I must have been happy here because I got fat! Ya know the saying fat and happy. I don't want to go! I have to pee again.....this time it is really the last time I will pee in this house. After that I walk through the house, the entire house. Memories flood my brain. I laugh and cry. I'm so glad I started this blog three years ago because I have documented so many memories from here. I go past Blake...Aka...the not so charming princes room. I laugh out loud thinking about how many nights I laid on the floor trying to listen to his conversations. Can't do that anymore since all he does is text now. Can't remember the last time I saw him on the phone having a real conversation.

So I think about writing the new owners a letter. I want to tell them how much I loved it here. I want to tell them a few stories about this house. Since they are in their 80's I think they will not get my dry sense of humor. Plus the house is empty I have no paper or a pen. Thank God because I was kind of going off the deep end at this point. I know I would have regretted that letter and been embarrassed by it. Reminds me of how I feel about this blog sometimes. So I put out my torch and left the island forever. Only people who watched survivor will get that! Remember I'm a shit TV junkie! I'm going to miss so many things and so many great neighbors here. Hub's keeps telling me we are about to embark on yet another chapter in our lives. I kind of liked this one though! Did I say I imagined myself scratching his eyeballs out???? It was his idea to move. I never really thought we would get what we wanted for this house.....now I'm starting to ramble so I'll stop. That song "you can't always get what you want but you try sometimes and get what you need" is running through my head about now. What I need is a happy pill for the next few months!!!!!!!

Final thoughts..
Teenagers are not at all like hearts and flowers! random thought right???
Women who trick or treat in sexy Halloween costumes look ridiculous and make me puke in my mouth!
I no longer own my house and it makes me sad. Only me like I'm the lonely loser. Feeling bad for myself right now. It will pass! My mom will read this and say you made your bed now lay in it. I'm laying in it now and it feels a little lumpy!
Again remember I'm no writer so don't be all judging me on my bad grammar! My hand works slower than my brain, and I hate proof reading this shit!!!!! night to all! Let's see if I can survive building a house with this certain person I live with!

The queen of Halloween has no where to go.

Every year since I moved here I have been known as the queen of Halloween. I always had the best decorated house in the hood. That was until last year but we will not talk about that. Those people have moved since then. I also hosted the best Halloween party in the hood every year. Since we sold our house and have to close on Halloween of all days I'm not the queen this year. I have talked about this before on here. Can you tell I'm bitter???? I had the best costume planned this year. I planned it six months ago. I was going to be Honey boo boo. I had talked to my hairdresser months ago about doing my hair for the party! I was sure to win the prize this year. That was until I had to move in October. I would have rocked some go go juice for sure! I guess the bright side is I saved myself from an awful hangover.

I attended a get together tonight. I offered the people my decorations and asked them to make it a dress up theme. No such luck! I got home and had a message on Facebook. I pulled it up and then scrolled the home page. I saw lots of pictures of people at Halloween parties....made me cuss in my head! I can't believe I did not get invited to a dress up party!!!!!! Next year when I hope I will be in my dream home I'm having the biggest Halloween party ever!!!! Everyone I know will be invited.

Tonight I'm up way too late. Insomnia is a bitch...my mind goes 90 to nothing in the wee hours of the night. I sleep great from 8-11 which is also a bitch. I should be running and working out in these hours like the rest of Austin. But I'm snoozing.....sometimes I dream about running. In my dreams I'm shocked that I can run. Maybe my I'm trying to tell myself something in these dreams...Like run bitch run! Or maybe I'm running from these people I live with.

Anyway we had two games today and moved stuff to the rental. If hubs says one more time we are in "crunch time" I may just scratch his eyeballs out. I admit I have had vivid thoughts of scratching his eyeballs out since this whole move thing started. So we went to a party tonight...not a dress up one...boo! He left before me because he is anal...I mean this in the most loving way....NOT! When I got home a hour after him he started that "crunch time" thing again. He called me in the bedroom as if I was two and told me everything that needed to be done in am. I get it...I know what needs to be done and I really don't want to hear "crunch time" for as long as I live again. Opposites attract....maybe??? Or maybe we have been together half our life now and we are just too tired to do anything else. I'm being ugly...I really do love him but moving with him happens to be a nightmare.

While at Aidan's baseball game today I got a call from his teacher. I crazy love his teacher. He had him last year too. He knows all the anxiety Aidan has had this year. He called to check up on what's going on at home. I told him how I got him in with the Dr in Austin for anxiety. He was so sweet and told me everything going on with his end of Aidan to tell the DR. He really cares and that is so big for us. Last year we really had no issues. This did come out of left field for us. I'm dealing with it better than hubs for sure, Hubs tends to get mad easier because I think guys don't get it when they can't fix it. I have had to have talks with him about how getting mad is not helping things. While my mom was here he begged her not to let me go to wedding in Chicago because he was worried about me. My mom told him everything would be fine and his Dad would be home with him. He told my mom he knew that but I was special to him. When she told me this it touched me in a way I have no words for. I ended up not being able to go since we sold our house. I really wanted to go since it was my godchild who happened to be in my wedding when he was about ten ...damn where does the time go?????  I'm hoping this guy I got him into can help. It breaks my heart that he carries so much stress everyday. My hopes for him is that he can lead a life where he doesn't worry about the "what ifs". I did love when his teacher told me he has been teaching a long time and he sees something great in Aidan. He told me he is a natural at sports, math, and thinking in general. He said he believes if we get him the help he needs to re train his brain through all this crazy anxiety he will do amazing things in life. I did not raise him to fear things because going to catholic school I was raised to fear things. I swore I would not raise my kids to fear God or fear what you can not change. So I'm surprised that I'm dealing with this. I have said this before on here I believe in prayer. Please pray for my baby to beat this awful anxiety! Anywho between dealing with a teenager, a kid who fears everything, and a hubs who loves to say crunch time....I'm dealing with lots right now. While I write this my two little ones are asleep next to me. There is this odd smell in the room I keep thinking it is me...it is them for sure....and it stinks!!!!!Woe is me! Boys are smelly and they stink about now! Sorry the bad grammar thing and all...too tired to proof read..it's crunch time here y'all!!!

Going with the flow

 So we are moving out of what I thought was my dream house the next few days. Dream house for someone who likes to clean a lot of unusable space. I really do think this house is amazing. Truth be told we use less than half of it. We have a formal dining room we used twice in five years. We have an office that no one uses because everything is portable now. We have a game room which was great when the kids played with toys. We have a media room that is great but no one really uses it because it is not next to the kitchen. A bunch of wasted space that I still have to clean. The house we are going to build will be a bit smaller but the space will be in the rooms we use. I have this strange appreciation for this house now that we are leaving it. Like the view and how pretty it is. This is really a beautiful house. The kind of house I never imagined myself in years ago. The kind of house I believe I will morn. There are lots of good memories in this house. My oldest was in forth grade when we moved here, my second was in first, and my last was in pre-school. Oh the things we have gone through as a family in here. We have had a ton a visitors come through this home. When you live in Austin people love to visit. I have a guest book my mom bought me when we moved in that is a mile long. The first year we moved here we had guest almost every weekend. It has slowed since then. I guess we are not that popular now.

 So Aidan...aka...pig pen is still stressing every day going to school. I have said it before but it really does break my heart. I got all my kids a phone in the 5th grade. This is the point here when everyone has a phone and you can't avoid it any longer. Aidan is in forth. Because he is having such a hard time going to school I decided to let him have one of our old phones since we we're all up for an upgrade. I thought since his big problem is being away from me this will help. At first this phone thing worked like a charm. Then the other day pig pen texted me from school every hour on the hour about how upset he was. Lets rewind a bit. I went to get Aidan up in the am for school. I smelled something odd in his room. I thought for a minute it might be me since I ate something with onions the night before. I kinda of wrote it off. Aidan called me all day from school wanting me to pick him up. God I hate that I gave him a phone about now. I kept telling him to wait an hour because I was busy. Hoping his anxiety would go away. He called and called and texted. I told him if I got him early he could not go to the homecoming parade. I thought this was my get out of jail free card. He called my bluff and said it's so bad he does not care. Woe is me. I did manage to keep him in school till the end of the day. I picked him up and smelled that same awful smell. I don't know if I'm slow but I did not put the smell together yet. After we got home he said he needed to shower. Hello, Kerry this should be a huge clue that something is wrong! What kid wants to shower after school???? I think I may still be from the school of naive nitwits.

He showers and comes out. He asks me if his armpits smell like onions. I smell them and think.....Damn they do. I'm still thinking about the patty melts we ate the night before. I think I can't believe this smell is coming out of him from eating this. I think this kid can't eat anything with onions. Hello My name is Kerry and I'm from the school of naive nitwits! Lets fast forward to when I find onions in his bed. I ask why are there onions in your bed???? A reasonable question...right???? He tells me he was on youtube with his "new Phone" finding out how to make himself sick. I grab his phone to find out what he looked up, I find a youtube video from a "KID" talking about how to make your self sick. He tells kids to put onions under your arms while you sleep to make yourself have fever. Woe is me once again. Having to deal with all the how to do bad shit videos on youtube is for the birds. So Aidan who all the sudden fears school after five years of going went to bed with onions under his armpits. After I figure out what had happened I question Aidan. He tells me he sat alone at lunch because he smelled so bad. He tells me kids made fun of him all day because of how he smelled. Of course they did, these are kids who have no filter.

I have had him at his doctor twice because of these kinds of things. We saw a local therapist a few weeks ago. I took him back to his doctor since things are getting worst. She gave me the contact for someone who specializes in kids anxiety, I called to get an appointment. The girl told me I had to write a letter to the doctor because he is so busy he only takes kids case by case. Needless to say I wrote my letter with tears. It killed me to really write down everything. They called today and they are going to take him. I pray every day that my baby can find a way to be comfortable in his everyday life. Gosh I would not wish stress like this on anyone.

Oh and there is Cole! Drama all the way! He came out of school like this! Because he has a flare for drama he came out as if he was injured. I stressed thinking he was hurt. Only to find out it was for theater! Woe is me once again. I'm just wondering as I write this is there any other parents out there that didn't realize that parenting would be so hard?????? Woe is me...oh wait I said that about hundred times.

So today we got the keys to our rental. Woe is me! Our furniture doesn't fit. The kids rooms are super small. Since hubs in the furniture business my kids all have queen size beds. The patio has a great view! The problem is it also has a great view of all the neighbors patios. I guess I can not talk to myself out there. I'm starting to really love the house I just sold. We put an offer on a lot. The guy was asking a bit much for it. Our realtor is a rock star and researched finding out that most of the lots he took at least 25 grand off. So we offer him a fair price for the lot. We just want what everyone else got. He responds that he is only taking full price offers. Even though he wasn't two months ago! I don't want to over pay, I just want a fair price. So we are without a lot and back to square one. This whole moving and building our dream home is not turning out the way I pictured it in my head....at all!!!!! Woe is me.....I need to stop saying that! I'm starting to sound like a broken record...an annoying one too.

I got on Austin home search again hoping my dream home has come on the market. Most of the houses are slightly dated in dripping. They want top dollar for these houses too. Now I have my damn pinterest house in my head! Nothing will do! I need to win the lotto or come into to stupid money. Life would be a bit easier then! Right now I think I'll just get into my rental.....that I happen to have to pay more for than my current dream home I'm in! It's a renters market for sure here. Woe is me...did I say that??????? Once again I'm not a writer...which my sister reminds me of all the time. Tonight I called her to tell her Aidan got into the doctor because of my sappy letter I had to write. She was like..."He got in because the doctor realized you can't get your too's and to's right and he knew your child was screwed". So anyway sorry for too and to mistakes, run ons, and bad grammar! At least I own it. That should count for something. I have a husband for sale if anyone is interested......this move is showing me sides of him I do not like!!!!!1

Did you ever feeling like yelling "FUCK" at the top of your lungs????

Did you ever feel like yelling "FUCK" at the top of your lungs?????? Well I have! I'm not ashamed to say I did it. What I'm ashamed about is after I did it I turned around to find Aidan...aka...pig pen standing behind me. He had a mortified look on his face. He then asked if he could go to his friends house. I said "NO". He was holding his new phone in his hand. I then realized that his friend was on the line. He too probably heard my meltdown. When Aidan got back on the phone with his friend he had hung up. Probably because I scared the bejesus out of him. Aidan laid on the sofa and cried. I walked over to talk to him. He was embarrassed by my outburst fearing his friend heard it. In my defense I thought all the kids were gone. I thought I was by myself. Aidan had slipped back in from the neighbors without me knowing. I was more mortified than he was for sure. I will be even more mortified when I tell the kids mom what happened. I explained to him that it was a bad decision for me to yell that. I offered him a quarter from a swear jar. I say how about a ten and we forget the whole thing ever happened. He was having no part of it. This is definitely one of those white trash mommy moments for me.

What prompted this sudden out burst were so many things....Let me make a list...a shit list!!!

1....I haven't slept good in weeks.
2....I'm packing which sucks.
3....My fat jeans are tight
4....Hub's is driving me nuts with this move.
5....My niece and sister left.
6....I can't believe all the fees you have to pay to transfer utilities....it's bullshit!
7...My DVR is not working right.
8....My baby is stressed out on a daily basis....bet this didn't help.
9....I can't set up 17 years worth of Halloween decorations.
10....My son wrote "I love boobies" with permanent maker on his stomach for breast cancer month.

Later in the night Aidan asked me again about my outburst. I tell him that sometimes even adults make bad decisions. I tell him not to follow my bad lead on this occasion. I tell him when he is in his 40's moving with three kids not being able to fit in his fat jeans he can have an outburst like this. I tell him at that time in his life he will have earned the right to have this type of outburst....alone of course.  When Hub's gets home he tells him about this. He tells hubs I told him I earned the right to do this because I have three kids. Hub's looks at me shakes his head and says..."Really, Kerry?". Not my finest moment.

I did go to lunch with a friend today but then came home and packed. Aidan had a baseball game tonight too. After we got home. The kids showered and did their homework. No one got in bed till 10:30!!!! I sit down to watch some shit TV. Hubs sits down and says...."do you realize how much more packing we have to do?". I think in my head "You mean how much more I have to do". I say.."Yes, I know what else needs to be packed". He then starts to go through a list of all the stuff that is not packed. I have the urge to yell "FUCK" at the top of my lungs again. I have learned from my mistake though. I calmly tell him I do not need him to go through everything that is not packed, I'm fully aware of all of it. He says..."We only have a few more days". Yep, I'm aware of that too!!!! He asks if there is anything else I want to get rid of. I say "I better not answer that now cause your not going to like my answer". He rolls his eyes and says he is going to bed.  I hate when he does this. It makes me not want to do anything...you think he would have learned that after 17 years of being married to me. Moving makes me bitchy....can you tell???

Perfect prank=epic fail

 The week came and went. It was already time for the golden jerk to head home. We had such a great visit with them. It makes me really sad when they leave. I have the best time when my sister and niece are in town to visit. It's too bad that we were swamped with practices, games, homework, and packing while they were here.

 We have dug up some treasures while packing. Like these old Halloween costumes. The boys had a great time having wars in them. Kelz and I took some pretty funny video of these guys wrestling in these outfits.

 We all headed to Aidan's baseball game before we had to go to airport. Cole who has a flare for drama wore the hotdog costume to the ballpark. We couldn't stay for the whole game since we needed to get them to the airport. Did I say I was super sad about this????? While in the car my niece...aka..the golden jerk who likes to call herself super girl told me all her super girl powers had run out. All I could think is I hear you sister! Mine have run out too. I'm going to miss her voice in the morning. I of course cried all the way home from the airport. I had to head to Cole's football game after this. I tell you I'm like a gerbil in the wheel running in a circle doing the same thing over and over. The problem is my kids and I just keep getting older while I'm running in this circle. I want to stop and smell the roses!!!!!

After Cole's game we head out to our friends house to watch some football. The other day Kelz and I met my friend Erin for lunch in town. We went back to see her new house. She has some land and was talking about the deer on it. She said they are getting closer and closer to her back door. She's feeding them..go figure!!!  She was describing how she was walking backwards into her door because they were getting too close. A lightbulb went off in my head. I thought it would be a great prank to put a fake deer outside her bedroom window. The friends house we were watching the football game at has a fake deer as a target in their yard. Erin was there that night too. Since she likes sleep she left way before me. Since I needed a pick me up after my sister left I asked if I could use the fake deer for 24 hours.

 Aidan...aka...pig pen and I headed out with the fake deer. I don't know who was more excited! We pull up outside my friends house with the deer in the hatch back. Aidan is trying to put him together. He falls apart like a puzzle. We are trying to be really quiet as we take the deer to the back of the house.

 While I have the giant plastic deer in my hand I hear their dog start to bark. I start laughing so hard the deer starts to fall apart in my arms. Pig pen is yelling at me to stop laughing fearing that I will wake them. I tell him he is smaller so he should go set the deer up under the tree. He takes the deer no questions asked. When I get a call that the school mascot is missing in few years I'm going to play dumb!!!! I won't even be able to get mad because I have taught him this immature behavior.

So pig pen heads out to the tree to set up the deer. He starts to yell for me because he can't keep the damn thing together. I'm belly laughing on the side of house. I crawl over to try and help him. Damn it if it isn't a windy night...which we rarely get here! That damn thing keeps falling apart. All I can think is they are in their window watching us fight with the plastic deer. We finally get the thing together. We run laughing back to the car. I can't find my keys. I think I might have set them down while trying to get that thing together. We get back out of the car and use my phone as a flash light. While we are doing this the damn deer collapses due to winds. We set him up again and find the keys a few feet away from him. I must have dropped them in all the excitement. We run back to the car. We laugh all the way home.

The next morning I have a photo shoot way too early for Sunday. As my phone alarm goes off I get a text with a picture. It's a text from Erin with a picture of a mangled deer next to her tree. Her text reads....."It's amazing how fast items sell on Dripping garage sale page. This nifty target sold for 50 in 20 minutes. They are picking it up at noon". I text back and LOL, I guess it fell apart! She text back and says it's much better than shit in a bag!!!!! No shit, no pun intended. So my perfect prank was an epic fail!!!!!! Her husband did think there was a dead mangled deer under his tree in the am. That does make me smile just a bit! I was hoping Erin would wake up screaming thinking a deer was watching her in the bedroom. I will take what I can get though! I did have to laugh when they told me the real deer were around this deer getting upset. They got even more upset when her husband picked it up and it fell apart. I think I may have solved her deer problem!!!!!! All the deers are running for their lives now.

Anyway I woke up and headed to another photo shoot. With another family where it's hard to get a bad picture because they were very good looking. The kids were amazing. Sometimes when you shoot families you don't know if your going to get kids that do what you say. Their pictures turned out great. After the shoot I headed home to my house that looks likes it's upside down. I love this house but I'm at the point where I just want to be out of it. There are so many things I will miss about it. There are so many things I won't miss! Like the super dark hardwood floors that show everything! I'm a bit sad because next week at this time we will be in our rental. There are so many great memories in this house that I don't have time to think about due to packing it up.

Anywho, Cole said something funny this week to me. He told me he was embarrassed because I was not like other moms. He said you are always sleeping when other moms are up. It's funny what embarrasses our kids about us. I do remember that my moms plaid jacket killed me! He then told me he is alright with it because I stay up later than other moms and we have dance parties and watch movies. He told me he would rather have the mom that slept in than the mom that made him go to bed too early on the weekend. Tonight while writing this I got a text from upstairs from pig pen. It read...Mom can I come down I'm freekt. out..yes that was the spelling... Then it had the smiley faces that weren't quite smiley faces they looked liked freaked out smiley faces. I text back that he could sleep on the sofa while I wrote this. He text back....Thank you mom your the best with real smiley faces. I know I'm not helping the problem but it did make me all warm and fuzzy inside. I thought at least he knows I understand and maybe that will help him. We will see if he can go to school in the am with no issues!

So here I am thinking I really can't write so please don't judge me for my bad writing. I have always said on here I'm not a writer and I went to Catholic school most of my life. They only really taught you to fear the rapture. They never really taught me to write! So sorry for bad writing, miss spellings, and run on sentences! My sister can write but remember I'm a lot older and she went to public school most of her life. Going to catholic school we learned about god and the end of the world writing was on some back burner. As I have learned when my Grandma was sick and all of us that went to catholic school were funny but had really bad grammar in my grandma's journal. Too late to proof read....just wishing I could sleep at night!

Shit in a bag on your door...priceless

Found this gem of a photo on my computer. Gotta love my sister...aka...Twisty. I call her that for reason. Are you getting it yet??? Anyway, today Aidan had another melt down before school. Because he was going to the doctor at 11 I told him to lay back down and rest. My heart breaks a little more every time this happens to him.  I'm going to have to explain to the school the reason for all this tardiness this year that barely started. They take you to court over tardiness now a days. My fear is they think I'm that slacker mom that can't get her kid to school in time. Truth be told I'm dealing with something I wish I could kiss and make better. There is nothing I can say to calm him down. One of his brothers I will not name names makes fun of him. I want to strangle this brother about now!!!! So we go back to the doctor. She is so sweet to him. She takes her time talking to him trying to get to the root of the problem. I sit back trying to hold the tears back. While she asks him questions he answers in his sweet soft spoken voice. What she doesn't know is when we were waiting he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said he was nervous about talking to her. I stressed the fact that doctors are here to help us and there is nothing to be nervous about. He was honest but I could see the nervousness in him. When he answered her questions I realized that he had no idea what prompts this or why it's happening to him. This scares me too. She is now sending us to a specialist instead of a counselor. Maybe I can get something out of this since I too panic and over think at times. Two birds with one stone is what I'm thinking.

I get him some lunch and send him to school. I ask him if he feels alright. He says he is alright. I walk out almost in tears. When your a mom you pretty much take on what your kids are feeling....ten folds! I head home to pick up Kelz and the golden jerk. We head out to lunch while Hub's packs.....yes, I may be an asshole! We go to our favorite place to eat. While there Ella...aka...Golden jerk makes friends with a little boy. She is not shy at all she will be a force to be reckoned with when she is in high school for sure. She woke up with a rash on her face and is not feeling great. She is not only the perfect kid but the perfect sick kid. Kelz is worried about her ears on the plane tomorrow. Plus she is worried about the rash on her face. If it were me I would just fly by the seat of my pants. No reason to see a doctor unless they are crazy sick. Kelz wants to take her in. We get her in to a doctor...her ears are red inside and she has the rash most likely because of allergy. I was hoping the doctor would say she couldn't fly. I want more time with them. The doctor gives her something to numb her ears on the plane. After the doctor we go to the middle school to spy on the dance. Yes, I'm that mom! We make our way in by buying a case of water to donate to the dance. We find Cole and his friends get some pictures and leave. They are kind of boring at this age! Thank you Jesus for that.

After we get home Hub's is there with a truck load of my Halloween decorations. It pains me to see my Halloween decorations go into to storage during this time of the year!!!! I can't help but wonder does the universe hate me???? My house sold during my favorite time of the year! Can't decorate and can't have my Scary Kerry Halloween party! I have thought "WTF" on more than one occasion. Closing on my house on Halloween is like a bad joke on me! I know I have said this before...but damn it this is my on line diary...and it pisses me off!

So tonight Kelz and I rented a movie. We rented "what to expect when your expecting". There were lots of people we recognized in this movie. It was pretty good. Way better that "people we know" which we rented the other night.  All the sudden Kelz says there are people at your door. I look over and see three persons at my door. I think I know who they are. It is after 12am at this point. While I'm looking at the people at my door the doorbell rings. Kelz yells...."you are being booed yeah candy". We run to the door! Kelz is like ...."what did we get?". I see a brown paper bag. I open it. There is something wrapped in a paper towel. In my head I'm thinking this is not candy. I open it and it looks like a brown rock. I get a sniff and realize it is a dried up turd. I tell Kelz we got shit in a bag. She is like are you shitting me??? I show her the shit in the bag. I hear kids laughing across the street. We go in for a minute and then we decide we're going to chase them. We go running down the street using her Iphome as a flashlight but we are too late. I still think I know who it was! We get back in the house and Kelz says...."I was really excited about the candy damn it". I say "I don't love shitty candy"....we laugh that belly laugh kind of laugh and head to bed! I do have to say I think I know who those kids were. They will get a bag of shit on fire at their door step after a beer! Yes, Im that person. Revenge makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!!

The Golden Jerk is in Austin

Alright so like I said this blog was about to slack. For one I have nothing to say. Two I'm moving into a rental a week from today! Yeah for me, moving twice sounds great!!!! Oh yes, and I have been extremely busy procrastinating. I wish I was the person wiping my ass with 100 dollar bills about now. Packing is for the birds....or the turds! I wish I could just get rid of everything and start the hell over. After bedtime tonight I'm kind of wishing I could start the hell over with these kids too. Somewhere I have gone terribly wrong. My little sister has been here since Saturday night at midnight. You heard me right....midnight. A midnight trip to the airport on a Saturday night is not my idea of fun. Because she had my niece...the golden jerk with her it made it a little more fun. Anyway back to my sister. I think she is shocked at the turn we have taken for the worst over here. She has witnessed me having to tell my kids at least ten times to do the same thing. After ten times my head starts to spin and green shit is flying out of my mouth. Then they say..."Mom why are you so upset?". I think are you shitting me?????? After I finally got everyone in bed tonight. I felt defeated and worn out. I actually kissed one goodnight and walked down the stairs saying "ASSHOLE" in my head. It's embarrassing but true. Here is the thing. I think when you have a teenager the little ones think they can act like the teenager before they are teenagers. They become know it alls and talk back before their time. Three of them is just too much for me to handle. All this and I'm trying to unsuccessfully pack up a 4000 square foot house. I'm starting to get why half of America is on some kind of "Happy" pill! I could use a happy pill right now.

I have had a great time with my sister and my niece here. When they are here it makes me happier than ever. My niece has the best voice ever. Every time she talks it makes me smile. I crazy love having her here. Since my sister is here she has me juicing again. When I was "HOME" almost the whole summer we juiced everyday. Since I got home the only thing I have juiced is a few beers. I forgot how much the juicing is a huge pain in the ass mess but it makes me feel better. Maybe it is a mind thing but it does make me feel better. If we could live by each other we would be much better off. We motivate each other to do better for sure. If I could have a housewife slash house manager I could do better too. Seems I get caught up in my kids and all their stuff. I'm really busy every night of the week with them. I'm getting kids up and out, doing laundry, cleaning, getting uniforms together, picking kids up, feeding them, taking them to some kind of practice, taking them to games, to parties, to the store, and so on and so on. Oh I forgot to mention homework....that just plain sucks! Homework with Cole isn't something I wish on my worst enemy. I have to re direct him eight hundred times...no joke!

So today Kelz...my sis and I had the great idea of walking up to the school to pick up Aidan. We brought the perfect dog with us. When we were almost there the dog started limping. I sat down to try to get the sticker out of his paw. I have lived in Texas half my life now. I should know by now never to sit down in the grass with out checking. So I sat to pick the sticker out of my dogs paw. All the sudden I felt a burning sensation all over and I mean all over my legs. I had sat right down in a pile of fire ants. Because I sat in their home they were everywhere. All over my legs from my feet to up my shorts. They were in places you never want a fire ant in. I got up and started to brush them off. There were so many of them though. It took a while to get them off. Every time I thought I got them I would get a burning sensation in another inappropriate spot. I told Kelz what happened. I started to panic because I had never had more than a few at once. I was covered this time. She told me to walk back home and get the car. She waited at the park with my niece. So Aidan and I walked home. Half way home I swore my throat was closing. I thought things were getting weird. I was trying to play cool because I was with Aidan..aka...worry wort-pig pen. Didn't help that someone at Aidan's last baseball game had been telling me about an awful reaction she had to one ant bite. I thought what if I pass out and die from fire ant bites????? I thought this is not how I pictured myself going. We get home not fast enough, when I walk in I'm sweating like I have run a mile. I check the mirror to see if I'm white or might look like I'm dying. I still look like the same run down mom I've looked liked for a while. No visual changes. So I get in the car to get my sis and my niece. I do text my nurse friend to see if I was going to react to ants how long would it take. She text back probably rolling her eyes that I would already know for sure if I was going to react. So I'm here writing this so the ants could not take me down even if they are itching the the shit out of me in places you don't want to know about. At least I have a get of of jail card for a while.

Cole is going to his very first dance tomorrow. He picked out the perfect outfit for himself. He is so excited. This is a big deal at his age. The not so charming prince has tried to rain on his parade. Telling him how stupid the dances are. For some reason dances are not a big deal here. I'm shocked because in my day dances were a huge deal. I couldn't wait for dances. You went to dinner, shopped for the perfect dress, waited for "the guy" to ask you, and just plain had a great time. That is until someone talked you in to drinking something stupid and all hell broke loose at the dance and people ended up liking people they did not come with. People ended up crying and a bunch of drama happened. These are the days I miss the most. I asked Blake since he is in high school if he will be going to the homecoming dance next week. He is like" NO" only nerds go to that! I think alright the times sure have changed because that was opposite in my day. Because I do photography I was hired about three years ago to shoot the high school homecoming dance here. I have to say I was shocked that for one it followed the game. It was only for two hours after the game. In my time it was the day after the game. The second thing that shocked me was none of the football players or cheerleaders showed up. To be frank hardly anyone showed up. There was some girl on girl which really shocked me! I wish dances were a big deal here because they are some of my funniest memories from school in  my day! How many times did I say my day???? I think I'm starting to sound like my grandpa....for Gods sake!

On a final note I have to laugh because Aidan had a musical while my sister...aka..Twisty was here. The Golden jerk made her way to the stage. My sister said "Jesus Christ" a little too loud for Texas. She got a few stares and then hid in the corner! Here's my take...which a lot disagree with. I think yes we should not take the lords name in vain. GD, is not a word I love. When us catholic girls yell "Jesus Christ" we are asking Jesus for help. So get a hold of yourselves all you Judges!!!! Now if she yelled GD I get the looks! Anywho, speaking of Aidan he has unfortunately not gotten over these panic attacks. He has been going to school in tears almost everyday. To say it breaks my heart is understatement. When your kid fears something you don't totally get is mind-blowing. You don't know what to do to help them. You try to understand and be the voice of reason. Sometimes you get angry even though you shouldn't. It's just so frustrating. He is fine at home or if he he playing sports. All hell breaks out at bedtime and going to school. As frustrating as it is I know it's real because no kid this age can fake this kind of fear. I rack my brain trying to figure out what is wrong. I think maybe this is the first time in a long time he is by himself at a school. My others were always with him there before this year. We are going back to the doctor tomorrow since things have not gotten better. Please pray for us because I do believe prayer helps in ways we don't totally understand. I was against meds but I really don't want him to go through life this way. Maybe he just needs the meds. I wish God would just give me a sign of what to do to help my baby. Anywho, there is no time to proof read this so this it was it is!

We are not in MichKerry world over here.

So I'm up late once again unable to sleep in the wee hours of the night. There is an infomercial playing in the background. It's a "Sensa" infomercial. It's talking about sprinkling some shit on your food that will make the weight fall off. I'm over tired I kind of want to sell my soul to the diet devil and get my credit card out. Since I was raised by Deb downer I can hear in my head her saying..."if it's too good to be true it probably is". Thank you Deb for not letting me fall for this crap. I know you have to exercise and eat right...DAMN IT!!!! I swear if I could have the days back where I could eat and drink anything and not gain a pound I would appreciate it. I swear I would not to try to pinch less than an inch off my belly and complain about being fat! Who knew I was skinny back then...OH Yes....everyone but me!

My week has been crazy as usual. I kind of feel like I have lost my MoJo to write in this blog. I really have nothing to say. Nothing interesting that is. I can always ramble about stupid shit on here.  I watched Nashville tonight which might be my favorite new show next to Modern Family. I was haunted by homework tonight with these people I live with. I think I stress more than them about this stuff. I get Emails all the time telling me what they have due and what test are coming up....sigh!!!!! I swear my parents had it easier. There was no Email! There was just a report card at the end of your nine weeks and usually a parent teacher conference in my case. At least it was nine weeks of peace . My teachers biggest complaint about me was that I was a daydreamer, they used to say I couldn't focus on things...that now might be code for ADD. There was no such thing as that back in the olden days though.

Hub's and I signed a lease tonight. We are not moving to a trailer to save money...sigh! We are not even moving to the run down rental in our neighborhood where Aidan would live in an office instead of a bedroom. We are moving across the street to ledge stone for the next nine months. The house we are renting was just built, barely lived in. The realtor said the guy who bought it lost his job right after and had to move. It made me sad that I will be living in someones dream house complaining while I build my dream house. Things like this put things in to perspective for me. I am truly blessed to be able to build my dream house.  Well maybe!

After checking out our rental Hub's and I head out to Howard Ranch to try and pick a lot. We have very different ideas of what we want. He poo pooed on everything I liked. I poo pooed on what he had in mind. BTW, I do know poo pooed is not really in the English dictionary .  Let's just call it my own made up word shit.  Anyway he probably left mad and I hung out with my friend who lived there for awhile before heading home to do....I mean help with my kids homework. After I did...I mean helped with homework Hub's called me over. He had the house plan I have decided on and I thought he decided on pulled up on the computer. He was telling me what he wanted to change....I was telling him what I wanted to change. We were not changing the same things at all. He said something like I live in a world called Kerryville. I said you live in a world called Michaelville. I say Kerryville is filled with rainbows...remember I'm a dreamer! I say Michaelville is cheaped out where he leaves a color off the rainbow. What I got out of our conversation is we are not like the Hollywood people where we can combine our names. We are definitely not in MichKerry or KerMichael world here! We are kind of in disagreement world about now...Did I sigh through this post yet???? On a final not I blame Pinterest for ruining my life as far as building a house goes...Damn you Pinterest and your perfect Kitchens and porches....you have ruined my dreams!!!!!!! I'm having a Pinterest party in my head with out the money!!!! I'm really tired tonight so no telling the mistakes or bad writing on here.....so sorry!

This is a bigger pain in the ass than I imagined.

 Every morning since we sold our house I wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach. I walk around the house looking at all the crap but don't do shit about it. Instead I get on line to Austin Home Search hoping my dream home just went on the market. I have found that my idea of a dream home and Hub's is two different things. I found this short sale on line. I drove by it today and looked in the windows like a crazy peeping Tom. Hub's and I went to look at it when he got home. Our realtor met us out there. I was still embarrassed since I backed into his car yesterday when he was over. So we pulled up and his bashed up bumper was staring me in the face. Woe is me!

This house was pretty amazing even though the pool looked like a swamp, The appliances were ripped out, There was some ceiling damage, The window treatments were torn down, some fixtures were missing, and it was dirty as shit. I can look past these things. Hub's walks around pointing out things like the missing ovens and says.."There's another 2 grand". He keeps walking around as if he has a calculator in his head adding up all the repair it will need. He looks at me and says..."ya know the whole house needs to be painted inside and out, not to mention the cedar needs to be re-stained". Then he says..."Do you know how much that's going to cost". Um No, but I'm sure your going to tell me.

 I walk around the house noticing all the amazing things about it. The beautiful porches, the concrete floors, all the built-ins, the amazing laundry room, the huge pantry, the crazy expensive front doors, the beautiful oak trees that fill the yard, and the awesome master closet. It just needs a little love! It's priced way under market value. The problem is it is priced at our very high number. If we went this high there would be no money left for repair. The thing is that because the interest rates are so low our payment would barely go up. Aidan is the only one of the kids with us. He spends most of his time swinging on a rope swing in the backyard. I tell him to come look at the house. He walks around the rooms. He has picked out his room. All the rooms have great views of the oaks. He comes to one room that has the garage roof right out one of the windows. He looks at me and says...."This can not be Blake's room". I ask why. My over thinker says..."He is a teenager and teenagers sneak out, this is way too easy for him to sneak out". I laugh. He then says.."teenagers sneak beer and he will probably sneak beer and sit on the roof drinking it". I laugh again. I'm going to start calling him the informer.

 I do really love this house. We get in the car to go look at another house and a few lots. We argue about this house. I try to tell him it's a really good deal. I talk about all the great things about it. He talks about all the money we have to dump back in it. He says..."It's going to take about thirty grand to get that house looking right". I say ..."but it's priced way under value". He agrees but points out that he does not shit hundred dollar bills to fix it up. And yes, he did say that! He also points out that I have wanted to build a cute cottage style home which this is not. He is right....Gosh I hate saying that...I hate writing that, I'm thinking DELETE in my head right now. He points out that the house is larger than we want or need. He tells me we can build a house exactly the way we want it that is energy efficient. Gosh I hate when he's right...Oh wait, I already said that. He tells me he just wants me to be happy. I have to call him out on that one. He wants me to be happy as long as he is agreeing with what makes him happy. That is two totally different happys in my head.

We pull up to Howard Ranch. There is a spec home ready for move in there. I have loved Howard Ranch since we moved here. Every time I pass it I pull in and imagine myself living in this cute neighborhood with the cool bridge. All the homes in here look like something off the cover of Southern living magazine. It is probably the most charming neighborhood around here. I really want to like the spec home because the thought of moving twice haunts my dreams. I don't love it. There were some nice things about it. The floor plan is not that great. The kitchen is too modern for my taste. It is a beautiful home but not for me. Of course Hubs loved this one. He tries to point out all the great things about this one. I poo poo on them the same way he poo pooed on mine from the last home. I tell him I don't like this one as much as the house we're in now. I say "why would I buy a house I don't like as much as the one I sold?". Back to the drawing board. I think our realtor must be sick as shit of us. He leaves and Hubs and I look at lots in there. We can't agree on that either.

This is a beautiful lot, the trees are amazing. The view is nice. The problem is it backs up to highway 12. The road noise is loud. Hub's fears the resale value on this one will not be great. Deb Downer who I called was telling me about all the pollution and dirt that will come from 12. This is one of the prettiest lots if it didn't back up to 12. So we still have no house and no lot!

After we're done looking we drive to see another rental. We secured one that I'm not crazy about. Nine to ten months is a long time to live in a place your not crazy about. It is across the street from where we live now. There is a gate with a code to get in. I call Blake because one of his friends lives in there. I ask him for the code. He asks why I need the code. I tell him Dad and I got a wild hair up our ass and we are going to toilet paper his friends house. He says.."Are you serious?". I say..."yep". He says.."No, your kidding right?". I say.."nope". He says.."Why would you do that?". I say.."We are bored and want to do something exciting and childlike". He says.."Come get me I want to help". I don't know what bothers me more......The fact that he believed that Hubs and I would paper some one's house or the fact that he seemed over excited to help us do it. So I finally say...."Um, no we are not papering your friends house, we aren't that stupid it's still light out. I tell him we are looking at a house to rent here. He is telling me how much he wants to rent a house there. Hub's can tell what we're talking about. Hub's then says his newly famous line......."Tell him it's not up to him where we rent or move". I say..."I think they all get it". He rolls his eyes at me and goes into his speech about how they are not permanent fixtures in our house, they will be going to college before we can blink, and how they do not decide on things like this. I think...Blaaaa, blaaaaa, blaaaaa, in my head mostly because I'm sad and then there is that he is right thing that seems to bother me so much.

I'm having some issues with this whole moving in October thing. I have been nicknamed "Scary Kerry" because of my great Halloween decorating and my fun party. Or at least that's why I think people call me that...It may be this blog though. All I can say about that is I probably scare myself way more so no biggie! I can't decorate since I have to pack and we are closing on Halloween. Wondering if the universe hates me. Closing on Halloween is like a cruel joke on me! Hubs won't budge about having one more Halloween bash here either. People in the neighborhood have really stepped up their Halloween decorating this year. It's killing me. We drove by one the other day and the words...."Are you shitting me" slipped out before I knew what I said. My kids laughed. I said "Do as I say not as I do"! Now every time I drive by yet another decorated house I growl out loud and cuss in my head. My kids just laugh at me! This is turning into a bigger pain in the ass than I imagined!!!! I hope Deb Downer skips this post....because she told me so!

Who has time to exercise

Woe is me! That is exactly what I'm feeling today. I did get a lot of furniture sold the last few days. The less we have to move the better off we will be. That is what I keep telling myself anyway. Especially since we are moving from 4000 square feet to 1600. I have learned one thing about myself this last week. I'm attached to things like a mini hoarder. A clean hoarder though. After I sell stuff I start to morn it. When someone agrees to buy something I start to think I really like that piece. I shouldn't have sold it. Now Hub's is in the furniture business so I can replace the things I sell. But I still have some strange attachment to them. I'm finding I'm already starting to morn my house too. I have a huge kitchen that I love. I keep looking at my view and my shutters and think what was I thinking!!!!! I start to think about having to live in 1600 square feet with these people.

It's going to take about 10 months to build something. That's after Hub's and I agree on land and a house. He shot down the land I found where we would be surrounded by farm animals and horses. So my dreams of drinking beer while talking to longhorns is out the door. While we were there the neighbors on either side came out to chat with us. Well they probably came out to size us up. They were telling us how they moved their because they enjoy the peaceful country living. We told them we have three boys. The one lady smiled uncomfortable and said"that's nice". There are only three houses there now. We would be the forth and that would be it. Neither one of them had any kids. Don't think they were planning any by their age but I could be wrong. Hub's fears that we would come in and rock their quiet, peaceful, country life. Our kids love to play outside and have air soft wars and run around. Cole's voice sometimes sounds like he is talking through a mega phone when he plays. He just gets really excited! Really excited...did I say that??? Over the years after he has been overnight places. The mom will sometimes say to me...."boy he is loud". I smile politely...and think in my head..."Yeah No shit, why do you think I agreed so quickly to a sleepover".  So hub's thinks the kids would drive these people nuts and they would hate us. He says we will not feel comfortable living there. He fears that we would be uncomfortable playing music too loud or if the kids had friends over they would have to be super quiet. I'm kind of making us sound like a pack of banshees. He thinks the kids would stress the horses out with all their running around and playing basketball. He can be a bit of a know it all if you know what I mean. I do think he may be right. It would be different if these people had a house full of kids. Then they would understand. Then they wouldn't look so refreshed either. They would look tired and run down like me!!!!!

Were back to the drawing board as far as a lot. I got so stressed out last night after Hub's said he didn't think that lot was the one. I looked on line for an existing home. I tossed and turned till after four am, I hate when I can't fall asleep. This happens a lot lately. It is most annoying. There is not one I like as much as mine. Well at least not in our price range. I thought I found a spec home in a neighborhood that we could just move in. I loved the house. It was not closer to the schools which was one of the biggest reasons we were moving and the taxes were not cheaper. I went out to see it today and it was still in the beginning stages of building. A friend of mine and I met hub's for lunch. I told him maybe we should just buy this house. He was like the reason we are moving is to get closer to the schools and save on the taxes. He says....why would we have sold our house if this is what we were going to do. After I thought "know it all" in my head I knew he was right on this one. I'm starting to feel like one of my bratty kids wanting immediate gratification. So we are going to rent and build if we don't kill each other first.

Today Aidan came home and told me he was having girl troubles. I ask him what the problem is. He tells me she thinks I like the new girl. I say..."do you?". He says .."NO". I say "did you tell her that". He says "yes, but she doesn't believe me". Aidan and I pick up Blake and his friend after football. I tell them Aidan is having girl problem...I giggle since he is nine. I tell Blake and his friend to give him some good advice. Aidan tells them what is going on. They tell him to tell her he likes her but keep working the other!!!!! I swear I didn't raise my kids this way. I tell Blake not to teach him things like this. Blake says..."I'm just kidding mom...chill". I have come to hate that word"chill". I tell Aidan not to listen to them because they really have no clue obviously.

Cole had football practice and didn't get home till almost nine. He comes in and starts working on some homework that he left out since last night. At ten he says to me I left my backpack at the football fields. This comes after last week leaving his shoes out there. Couldn't find cleats on game day...this went over great, kind of like a fart in church! I kind of want to scream "WTF" but I take a deep breath and only say it in my head. I tell Cole to get in the car. We drive back into Dripping. This is my third time today. My fear is that a good Samaritan picked it up. We drive there he has headphones on singing country music at the top of his lungs. I try to talk to my sister...aka...Twisty on the phone. She is like "what's that awful noise?". I tell her it's Cole singing. She asks how I can stand it. I can't I just do it. I just kind of sounded like a Nike commercial. We get there and the backpack is there...Thank you, Jesus!!!!!! We drive home with him singing country at the top of his lungs! I'm thinking in my head...."All Moms go to heaven". We get home and he does homework till 11:30. As much as I love to watch them play football, I don't love football season. I don't really enjoy helping with homework till 11:30! This is my time for shit TV. I can hear Deb Downer in my head saying.."you will miss this some day". Bullshit I say!

While Cole was at football I started to tackle some of the drawers and closets that haunt my world. I seem to have a hard time parting with anything in those places too. I manage to get rid of two garbage bags full of stuff. While I'm doing this I have this flashback of my mom's mom. I used to love to go through her drawers and her basement. I get my hoarding from her. She always had great treasures in her house. Her drawers were packed with crap. One time I found a cut off finger from one of her boyfriends in her drawer!! Got ya, just wanted to make sure you were not dozing off yet! I keep some stuff like the fitness grams that the schools have to do on kids now. I was shocked that Aidan was the same height right now that Blake was when he started middle school. He is in forth now, Blake was in sixth in middle school. I found a paper that Aidan wrote a few years ago. It was about his family. The title was..."This is the story of my life". He says he has a great mom named Kerry that likes to shop for him. He goes on to say, He has a great Dad named Michael who makes all the money so we can live, plays football with him, watches football with him, goes to all his games...(mind you I have almost never missed a game), plays Xbox with him, takes him fun places, takes care of everything, and loves him. Are you shitting me???? All he said is I shop for him. He goes on to talk about his brothers. He says Blake is really cool and Cole gets on his nerves. He says he lives in a small town but came from a big city. The best part is when he is talking about his dog and he calls him a stoner. I always call the dog a stoner because all he does is sleep and eat. Hello Kerry, your kids hear everything! Oh my, what that teacher must of thought of us! Then he goes on to talk about his hobbies. He says he wants to be a kicker for the NFL. His spelling is not great. His next sentence says..... "I"m pratasing may kicking, Ime pratasing for my fucker...My guess is he meant future!". Woe is me!

I want to sleep for the next thirty days.

 Since we sold our house I have been driving around town looking for potential home sites. I came across one by accident yesterday. I was so excited because it is amazing. Across the street from it is a huge cattle ranch. I can picture myself on my giant front porch swing talking to the cattle as I drink beer. On one side of the home site is a beautiful home and barn. These people have horses. While walking the lot line a little fox and the horses followed us around. It was so cool. Plus it backs up to onion creek.....which would be amazing if we weren't in a drought. Hub's and I also looked at a preexisting home by the high school. I had alright bones but it was a flash back to the 80's all the way. It would need to be totally redone on the inside. Aidan is with us and crazy loves the house because it has some strange playroom in it. We pick up Cole at football practice. I'm telling him about the beautiful lot with all the horses. He wanted us to like the preexisting one because some of his friends live around there. So he is in the back seat complaining. He loves to talk to himself out loud because he thinks it will get to us. So he is saying things like......"Oh look at the beautiful horses, this is so much better than playing with my friends". He is talking in a pee wee Herman kind of voice to top things off. Hub's quotes his new favorite line....It goes something like..."This is not up to you where we live, you are only going to be around for a few more short years before we kick you out". As Hub's is quoting his new favorite line and Cole is repeating him word for word in the pee wee voice. Hub's threatens to pull the car over and "wear his ass out" as he likes to say. This whole process is more fun than I can stand.

 After we get home I search on line for floor plans I like. The dog bed is finally getting some good use!

 Tuesday morning I go out to look at potential rentals. Hub's has moved on from the trailer idea but he is still being cheap. He wants to save money while we build. So this little peach of a home is surrounded by houses with broken down cars, old doors, old sofa's, and junk in the yards. You know the ones. Most of us have seen houses like this in our lifetime. I don't have a warm and fuzzy feeling about this one but I go in anyway. It should have an "enter at your own risk" sign on the door. I'm looking at it by myself. I regret that when I open the door. My overactive imagination starts to think I'm in a scary movie staring me. I walk around the place thinking some flesh eating zombie is going to grab me from behind. There is a back staircase, I go up it to find a wood paneled room. There are these cubby holes with short doors along the wall. I picture midget zombies behind the doors. I shit you not I ran down those stairs like somebody was poking me with a cow brander. I let my overactive imagination get the best of me again. This really could be a great set for a horror flick. The smell in the house is one of mold. Great so we would save money while we breath in moldy shit! I really do think I would scare myself stupid in this house. I could just imagine all these people would be gone. I would be in the house and a crazy zombie, (maybe the last tenants turned into zombies from breathing moldy shit) would come for me. I would run out of the house going house to house trying to find help. I would be tripping over garbage in people's yards and the zombie would get me. Then all the other zombies would start appearing out of the broken down cars. The only positive thing is the house has no carpet. If one of us killed the other one while living here we could just hose off the blood. We could bury the body in someones junk and blame it one the zombies. Wooooo, I'm on a roll. I'll stop there. I get in the car and call Hub's. As I'm talking to him he can tell I'm not a fan of the place. He says he has one for us to look at when he gets home. This should be good! I can't contain my excitement.

 So Hub's gets home and we head out to another fine gem of a house he found on Craig's list. It doesn't look that bad from the picture. I have learned that pictures can be very deceiving when looking at potential houses and rentals. We get out of the car, the kids are with us. All of the sudden it sounds like there is a pack of angry hungry wolves on the other side of the fence. I know it is dogs but damn they sounded like wolves. Cole says a funny....he says..."it sounds like the beast from the sand lot lives next-door". I think I'll just let Hub's look around this lovely place. After being married so long I have learned if I give him a little rope he will usually hang himself with it. That way I'm not the bad guy. That way when we end up in a good rental he will think it was his idea. I'm smart like that. So he looks around not saying much. He is stepping over broken glass and cigs. There are a few empty beer bottles in the yard too. No window treatments on any of the windows and it is really not that cheap anyway. The house is really dirty and really run down. We get in the car and Hub's is kind of quiet. He finally looks over at me and says-..."What do you think?". I say "I think I'll be cooking dinner one night and I will hear screams coming from the yard". I tell him I will look out my window with no treatments and see my children in pieces from the wild dogs. I know I get a little dramatic at times....but for Gods sake can't we just spend the extra money and feel safe!!!!

After house hunting we stop for some fried catfish. We come home with the fat belly feeling. Regretting our food decision. The kids have homework. I'm looking on line hoping my dream home has come on the market and we can skip all this. I go around the corner to see Cole doing homework in my be-dazzled flip flops. I do laugh out loud and I needed to at this point. The laughing isn't for long. Cole can't focus on his homework. I start a tally of how many times I had to re direct him. It's like 17 in forty minutes. I hear mom...aka..Deb downer in my head saying you will miss these days!!!! I say "shut up Deb, I will never miss homework time....stop trying to guilt me"!!!!!! Deb often talks to me in my head....you think I need a shrink??? Aidan is doing homework on the other side of me. He is in his typical pigpen state. He has white shorts on that are dirty and a shirt that he stretched out the collar on. He is asking me to do his homework, I mean asking for help. I tell him he is smart and I know he can do this himself. I tell him I expect more from him. I feel like this single black mom I saw on a lifetime movie. Cuba Gooding Jr was in it. He ended up becoming a famous Dr because his mom put up with no horse shit excuse from him. He whines and complains about not getting it. I tell him he will have to take a zero and tell the teacher he is not learning what he's teaching. Low and behold kid did his homework by himself. It pisses me off that all my kids worry more about what their teachers think about them than what I do. I guess I have to look at the bright side. They behave well in school.

The kids are finally in bed. Hub's says...."can we talk". I say "sure" he is going to show me a nice house in a nice neighborhood that is for lease! Mission accomplished! We won't save any money but we won't be eaten by zombies or wild dogs! I really wish I could just go to sleep for the next thirty days! I better not say that out loud you never know if the Universe is listening...my luck I'd end up in a coma for thirty days!

I'm never going to grow up

So tonight I can't sleep once again. Regular readers I know your shocked. I really do hate this! I have spent my night "googling" a rental house...since I'm homeless in four short weeks. Oh yes, I did watch shit TV too. The New Jersey housewives reunion was my favorite. Mostly because I feel so much better about myself after watching them. Hub's and I fought all day again about where to rent and what to buy...your shocked right????? I swear whoever that person was who wrote "Men are from Mars and women are from fabulous world...I mean Venus" was totally on to something. He drove me by the trailer house he wants us to rent. So the front door happened to be falling off, it could be cute...NOT! I said it last night and I say it again...I want my own trailer if this is the route we are taking!

I also spent my night reading other mom's blogs....there are lots of good ones out there. I love one that is talking about her teenage kid giving her "horse shit"  excuses for everything. Girl doesn't know how she hit home with me. I happened to be listening to some "horse shit" excuse from mine tonight. If your a mom like me you thought you raised the perfect child....that is until they hit the "bad years"! All that shit you talked about your friends that had teenagers before you will bite you in the ass. You will be chewing on the shit you talked for a while. We are all guilty or I should say most of us are guilty of saying or thinking "not my kid". I was checking "skyword" tonight....this is an amazing thing where you can see your kids grades on anything everyday. Blake...aka..the not so charming prince had three zero's on things. His grades were all still good except one but I still did see zero's. Which means I was seeing red. I questioned him about the zero's. He told me he had turned those in and his teachers were crazy. Because I fell off a turnip truck recently and I totally believe his lying ass. The nice thing is he can get a permit and increase my insurance by 150.00 a month....because of shit like this I can still buy those 150.00 dollar boots! When they hit a certain age all their smarts that you burned into their brain go right out some teenage door never to be seen again until I don't know when. This is my first teenager. God help me!

I read another blog where the Mom is hoping she will grow up before her kids. Now I can really relate to this blog. I always loved Peter Pan...just saying! I also always loved the "Toys-R-US jingle....ya know the one..."I don't want to grow up I'm a Toy-R-us kid". I relate to both on a therapy level kind of way. Even at my age I will be the first person to take a dare or do something stupid for a laugh....I'm a work in progress.....for sure....I will do almost anything stupid to get a laugh...I can be that "hey look at me person". I'm sure I annoy the crap out of some people.

We sold our house to some "older people". My first thought was..why would these older people want my house???? It's too big for me to clean and I have five people plus a dog living here. Why do two people need four full bathrooms???? Why do two people need four bedrooms, a game room, and a media room????? These people I live with don't even use all this space. The evil genius side of me has a light bulb go off in my head! Maybe I can make friends with them and get a room in the upstairs they will have no need for!!!!!!! I bet they will put a pool in too.

Anywho I was over thinking once again. Wishing I was a better writer since I kind of love to write. I thought back to my school years trying to figure out where it went wrong. I thought back to catholic school that I spent years in. My Dad's family can't spell worth a shit either and they all went to catholic school too. The same one I attended. I realized this when my Grandma was dying. She was in a home and when she got really sick the family started a notebook about how she was when they were there. The messages were heartfelt but the spelling was horrific. I blame catholic school.....They never taught me to write. What they taught me was to fear the big bad devil and make me feel guilty almost always! I did have a sweet neighbor stop to tell me my writing is getting a lot better....Chew on that Twisty!!!!!

The inspector is here right now. I almost burst into tears this am about my house! He says the new homeowners are coming later. I'm wondering if I should hand around and hit them up for that room. I need to go...so much to do......If you live around me and you see me running with my hair standing up while screaming. Just ignore me and keep going!!!!!!!!